You’d never know…

Two weeks have now past since I attended the Mom 2.0 Summit in Laguna Niguel.  I am still recovering from the whirlwind I returned home to, but I left the conference with a few new tools, feeling inspired, and just as awkward as ever.  I have no problem speaking on a stage to hundreds of people.  I am comfortable in front of a camera.  Put me in a social situation, and I’m a wreck.

How To Be Awkward At a Conference:

• Develop a mysterious stomach bug as you’re about to board the party bus to your first networking event.  Back away slowly from the people staring at you, and walk quickly to your hotel room while leaning slightly to the left.  Do not answer your phone or re-appear again for at least 16 hours.
• Laugh at least two decibels too loud when someone makes a joke.
• Ask if you can join a table at lunch time full of strangers.  Introduce yourself to none of them.
• Flirt with Ciaran from Momfluential on Instagram while she is sitting right behind you.  When you finally meet her, say “Hi! How are you” and never talk to her again.
• Run away from Lisa Ling.
• Say “hi” to people you’d love to have drinks with like Jessica Gottlieb and Cecily Kellog.  Make sure not to invite them to have drinks.
• Tweet a compliment to  women who have said something on a panel that inspired you or rang true… do it while they are standing two feet away from you.  Make sure not to say anything to them in real life.
• Wow everyone with your pitch at the HLN/Raising America Shark Tank suite (look for me on the show, hopefully later in the year).  Get immediate green lights across the board, tricking people into thinking you are brilliant and have your shit together.  When someone grabs your arm to tell you how wonderful your pitch was – open your eyes really big, nod, turn slowly, and walk away without saying a word.
• Smile inhumanly big at people… then disappear a lot.
• Suggest Shannon @MrLady and Jim @BusyDadBlog hire a hotel babysitter for their 15 year old so they can have some sex.
• Secretly send Katherine Stone from PostPartum Progress  a direct message asking for help because you are hiding in your hotel room bathroom.
• Make a video of yourself hiding in your hotel bathroom.
• Announce really loudly when you have to go to the bathroom.
• Give your business cards out to tons of people, making sure to announce they might feel warm because they’ve been against your ass in your back pocket all day.

And last but not least…

• Make sure to wear shoes that give you blisters so you acquire a nice limp.

I’m either going to get better at this social stuff or perfect my ability to make a room uncomfortable.  Only time will tell, but I have another conference in July and am already scheduled to go to Atlanta for Mom 2.0 next year.

I did have someone say, “Oh, your Jenni… from MommynaniBooboo… the mythical unicorn of the conference.”

I’ll take it.

Anything is better than “that awkward chick with the warm business cards and the limp”.