But the water…

posted on 01/25/2013 by 7 Comments

 

Yes, mom.  I surely did hear you yelling from the kitchen about how “It’s time to go five minutes ago”!  It’s just that there are very important things going on in the world (more specifically this bathroom) that cannot be overlooked.

The water…

I did what you said. I washed my hands.  I used the soap.  I sang the song.  I rinsed real good.

But the water…

it just goes through my fingers…

sometimes it even drips down my elbows…

if feels tickly…

I don’t understand how one can just turn it off and walk away.

I haven’t figured this water thing out yet… and I’m a smart boy.

I am four after all…

four and a half.

I can see it.  I can feel it.  I can hear it.

Why can’t I grab it?  Why can’t I catch it?

When I splash it leaves droplets all over… all over everything…

When I splash again and again and again, it leaves more and more…

If I blow on the droplets real hard I can move them with my breath…

but I can’t pick them up.

I can’t grab it.

Sometimes when I splash you scream “No no no no no no no no!”

So I wait to see if the water will kill the countertop… or melt the floor…

but it doesn’t.

Don’t worry, I always grab the towel and wipe it up just like you taught me…

I am responsible.

Why does the towel grab it?

Why can’t I?

Why does it just go and go and go?

Why can I drink it but not breathe it?

Okay, maybe it has been “a half an hour since” you told me to wash my hands.  I don’t know what a half an hour is, so I will just go with you on that one.

Who cares?

This is Earth shattering stuff here, and you don’t seem to notice.  You talk about getting to pre-school on time, but I have never ever seen the school disappear.  I think it will be there no matter when we leave.

I worry about you sometimes.

You have an unhealthy relationship with time.  You talk about minutes and hours… and you’re always in a hurry.

You want me to put on my shoes faster – but when I move my toes to the left my shoe feels tighter, and not when I move them to the right.  Plus there is a tiny blue speck on the outside of my shoe that wasn’t there yesterday… I should scratch and sniff it.

Don’t you wonder?

There is water that comes out of our faucet.

When I take a bath at night, it accepts me.  I don’t sit on it or under it…

No, I don’t know what time it is because I’m trying to pinch the water…

I’m trying to pinch it…

look at that…

it’s amazing.

No, don’t turn it off!

You do that a lot -

turn off the amazing.

Every now and then you should just leave the amazing on.

Trust me on this one.

I’m a smart boy.

I am four after all…

four and a half.

 

Hee hee.  Excuse me – I farted.

I also just pulled a boogie out of my nose.

Can I wash my hands again?

 

*****

 

ButTheWater.jpg

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posted in From The Kids tagged with , , , , 7 Comments

Reckless Baby.

posted on 09/17/2012 by 3 Comments

 

Dah!

Dah!

Ma ma! Ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma!

She’s gotta be coming by now.  I’m sure if I could count, that would’ve been the five millionth time I’ve yelled in an extremely loud  monotone fashion for someone to come and get me out of this crib.  I’m awake.  I’m awake.

Bah BAH!

Bah!

Oh look here she is – Yay!   You’re my favorite.  You smell AWESOME.  You smell like milk!  Let’s have milk.  Let’s have milk.  Hey, let’s have milk.

Oh I see, we gotta do the whole changing table thing first.  That’s cool – I can practice my backwards somersaults – look!  Aw, mom.  Why you gotta catch me every time like that?  How about we try again? Whee – hey, you caught me again.  Whoopie – every time mom, every time.  That gaspy screamy sound you make is toally hilarious too.  I love it.  You always know how to make me laugh.

Hee hehe he he he hee.

Why are you out of breath mom?  It was just a diaper change.  It’s how we get our calisthenics in.  What are you doing?  Is that the playpen?  No no!  No, don’t put me in that thing.  I’m eleven months old – I’m too young for jail – Nooooooo!

Where are you going?  Don’t leave me in here.  Are you going to pee?  There’s no peeing.  There’s NO PEEING!  You know I’m just gonna cry until you come back here.  COME BACK HERE.

Waaaaaaaaaaaah… wahaaaahaaa haaa haaaaa… mmmwhaaaaaaa…

Oh hey mom, what’s up?  Your back.  That was fast.  Let’s have milk.  Let’s have milk.  Hey let’s have milk.

Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah.  I love milk.

Mmmmm… mmmm… mum mum…

This is the best.  I know you love it when we’re nursing, and I push my foot right on your chin… just like that.  That face you make is so cute, mommy.  What was that noise?  I think I heard the dog sneeze.  Maybe I should just stop nursing right now and throw my body over to the right and off the couch to see the dog.  Oh, alright.  I’ll be still.  Just for this moment.  Just for the milk.

Mmmmm… mum mum…

I’ll need the energy anyway for running and falling… and pretending gravity doesn’t exist… and stumbling over all those awesome toys we have to get to the sharp stuff.  I just know today’s the day I’ll finally get to that wire you keep pulling away from me before I can chew it.

There are shoes to lick, backflips to do out of your arms, glass to pound on, curtains to pull down, trash to knock over, electricity to play with, and walls to try and climb.

Today’s gonna be the best day.

Where do we keep the knives?

Let’s be reckless.

 

(on behalf of Meatball)

 

 

posted in Featured, From The Kids, Life tagged with , , , , 3 Comments

Toddler brains- fried.

posted on 03/11/2011 by 11 Comments

The following post takes place in about a minute and a half.

 

Sweetheart, do you need more snack?  Would you like a biscuit?  Or raisins?

 

OOOh, if I put my foot here, and then fold myself in half while winking each eye simultaneously, everything looks really cool.  And it’s the doggie! She runs so fast from me.  Where’s my cookie?  I think I’ll eat my fingernail. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O.

“Momma! I’m upside down!”

*spin spin spin spin spin spin spin spin giggle spin spin spin spin spin fall down*

What’s this on the table?  Whoa, I’m dizzy.  I’m gonna throw it.  That’s cool.  Let’s throw it again.  Throwing is the best. Thing . Ever.  Where did the doggie go?

Where did my train go?  What’s that on my foot?  What’s that on the floor? I think I’ll eat it. Crunchy.  Where’s my basketball? I need mommy to make a hoop with her arms.  I NEED mommy to make a hoop with her arms.  I NEED MOMMY TO MAKE A HOOP WITH HER ARMS.  Oh a feather.  I think I’ll blow it.  Ha ha!  Look at t hat.  I can blow it far.  Let’s blow it across the floor!  Where did my pants go?  Did I just take my pants off?  Who took my pants?  It’s the other doggie!  I don’t need this silly shirt if I’m not even wearing pants.  That sticker looks like a circle.  Circle.  Circle.  My arm is stuck.  I hate this shirt.

*spin spin spin spin spin spin giggle spin spin fall down*

Who needs arms?  Arms are dumb.  But feet are cool.  I love my feet.  Ack! Something’s in my eye!  What’s in my eye?  It’s itchy!  Ack!  It’s the scariest thing ever!  It’s going to eat my eye!  My eye!  My eye!  Hey, there are my pants.

Did you hear me, baby?  Would you like a biscuit?  Or raisins?

Why is the world such an awful place?

“WWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!”

*****

My son is a monkey on acid.

He has decided he no longer takes naps.  He’s always been a champion sleeper, and quite frankly is just one of those kids that needs it.

He will be three in a few months, and I am well aware that at his age he should still be napping in the afternoon.  He hasn’t napped in weeks, and his brain is starting to short circuit.

So is mine.

Send help ASAP.

posted in From The Kids, Life, Like you care tagged with , , 11 Comments