Please call me a pussy.

posted on 05/23/2011 by 12 Comments

It was eons ago.  I don’t know what we were watching on TV.  I don’t know what we had for dinner.  But something sparked this out of my Hot Nerd:

“Why do so many slang words that are feminine have to have negative connotations. That’s a little sexist don’t you think?  You know- cunt, pussy, etc… Why the hell is that?”

Feminine does not equal negative.

My only response was that it was mostly dudes that were making it up and using those words that way.

It was the only thing I could think of.  But It’s so common now that women do it to.  I’ve done it.

“Don’t be such a pussy.”

Because that is somehow a bad thing.  A weak thing.  An undesirable thing to be compared to.

I don’t get it.  A lot of men I know really like vaginas.  They think about them a lot. They want to be around them, with them, inside them.  Of course, I also know some men who are not so fond of vaginas… but these men rarely use female genitalia as a negative slur.

Is it because a dick is supposed to be considered stronger than a pussy?

Sure, a vagina is soft and warm.  But it’s also very durable.  I’d like to see a baby come out of a penis.

The vagina is a muscle… a strong muscle.  It stretches, adapts, reforms, and heals at lightning speed.

Yes, I know a penis can grow hard and strong.  But when it’s hard… it can be snapped.

The vagina doesn’t snap.

The

vagina

cannot

break.

The slang that we use is only negative because we use it and mean it that way.

So I thought- what if we didn’t?

I entered a new definition of the word “pussy” into Urban Dictionary months ago, and it has just been accepted.

You can join me in the fight to make “pussy” awesome.

Just go and give it a thumbs up, folks.

It was number 41 the last time I checked. It looks like this:

 

pussy 1 up, 1 down
1. Another name for a kitty cat.
2. Slang for female genitalia.
3. Another way to label a person with unbelievable strength or bravery. A compliment of the highest form. Pussies don’t break.
1. Be careful . My pussy may scratch you.
2. Be careful. My pussy may scratch you.
3.He was like a pussy- deceptively strong. He adapted and was flexible no matter what we shoved at him. Decidedly… unbreakable.

Why the hell not?  Go!  You know you want to.

Just click on Mommy Nani Booboo in the definition above.   Because as far as I’m concerned- If you have a vagina, came out of a vagina, or ever want to play with a vagina again…

You should treat it with respect.

Pussies don’t break.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
posted in Campaigns For A Better World, Life, Priceless Opinion tagged with , , , 12 Comments

I don’t write for free except on those occasions when I write for free.

posted on 04/06/2011 by 7 Comments

You may have on occasion seen me tweet about how “the only person who can ask me to write for no pay is me.  And only after some serious buttering up.”

That statement was born out of frustration, during a time recently when several people/websites were approaching me to post for them… for no pay… and some of those sites wanted me on a regular basis.  Now, these “magazine style” sites were what I would consider established- not “A list”, but definitely pulling in some healthy income.  In my opinion, they were making enough to put someone who would be delivering regular content on the payroll.

If a very new blogsite approached me in hopes of writing content for them, and they clearly aren’t raking in the dough, perhaps my answer would be different.  And if that were the case, then I would be helping them grow their readership, and I would want to talk about possible pay in the future, or revenue sharing of some sort.

What some companies are clearly still failing to understand, is that simply because one cooks, cleans, and chauffeurs for free, that one should also write (work) for free.  I barely have time to shower people, so if you want me to sit down and plunk out some wisdom on the keyboard you should offer to pay for it.

I don’t tout myself as a business savvy person.  I’ve always swam in the creative waters… forgetting to use my left brain once in a while.

But I do know I’m worth more than nothing.

I am not a brand new blogger.  I’m not extremely seasoned either, but I know my content is good, and that my traffic has grown in the past year more than I thought it could.  And it’s my content, my words, my heart, my soul… and I’m going to be the one who decides what it’s worth.

*****

Now go visit Alex at Before the Baby Wakes, where I guest posted today… for free.

Because she’s a blogger, just like me… struggling.  When I made that statement at the top of the page, I wasn’t talking about my fellow blogger- those requests are weighed on a case by case basis.  And usually, the benefit of a little exposure, along with a little friendship is worth it in my eyes.  There’s a difference between a blogger and a company.  Bloggers will pay you in praise, promotion, and returning the favor.  But if you think you’re worth it, make sure a company pays you in cold hard cash.

No one’s going to think you’re worth it unless you tell them.

 

posted in Life, Priceless Opinion, web 2.0 7 Comments

I don’t believe in Mississippi.

posted on 03/23/2011 by 21 Comments

My husband and I were watching a TV show several weeks ago that was talking about obesity in America.  Actually, I think it was that What Would You Do show and the scenario was that a waiter was refusing to serve a person based on the fact that he thought she was too fat.

The show briefly mentioned a bill that was introduced in 2008 in Mississippi that would allow restaurant owners the right to refuse to feed the obese.  I turned to my husband quickly, wide eyed and said, “That’s not true?”

He nodded.

“What? I don’t believe it.”

“You probably wouldn’t believe a lot about Mississippi.”

Turns out he’s right.

I did look up this so called bill and after heavy debate, it ended up being squashed in committee.

But there are a lot of laws on the Mississippi books that completely baffle me.  Now, every state has those weird laws written 200 years ago about not riding an elephant on Main Street past 6pm on Saturdays.  But I get a little itchy when the laws seem to “control” rather than “protect”. Or that gives one group of people more right than another.  Or that attempts to color how people should think, feel, and judge.  *Although, now that I write that- I realize it’s a tricky statement.  Essentially, all laws are made not only to protect, but also to shape what society views as criminal and not criminal.

However, some of these laws, bills, and just weird facts I don’t believe:

  • A man and woman living together/or fornicating while not married is unlawful, and shall result in a fine of $500/and or six months in prison. Everyone I know would be an ex con.
  • It is illegal to teach others what Polygamy is. I imagine that no one in Mississippi gets TLC on their cable network.
  • “Abstinence only” or “Abstinence Plus” is allowed to be taught in sex education.  Law prohibits either type of class from demonstrating proper condom use.
  • Parental consent is required for marriage if under 21 years of age. Which also means everyone in Mississippi is a virgin until then.
  • Stealing a man’s cow shall be punishable by hanging.
  • Mississippi allows drivers to consume alcohol while their vehicle is in motion as long as they do not exceed the blood alcohol limit of .08%. (And as long as there are no stolen cows in the car.)
  • There was recently a proposed state license plate to honor the founder of the KKK, Nathan Bedford Forrest. The governor himself originally said he would not stand in the way of such an idea, but after large public outcry has since changed his tune.
  • Charleston Mississippi had separate proms for blacks and whites up until 2008.

 

These facts put me in very weird spiral of disbelief.  Now, I was born and raised in Hawaii- the best melting pot you’ll ever find.  I also now live in Los Angeles, where two naked gay men being pulled on a makeshift float down the streets of West Hollywood is pretty much a tame Saturday.

Mississippi freaks me out.  Kinda like ghosts freak me out.  Ghosts do not freak my husband out, because he simply chooses not to believe in them.  So…

Mississippi…

I do not believe in you.

I kinda don’t want to.

I’ve never been to Mississippi.  Now that I think about it, I don’t know anyone from Mississippi.

So, if you’re a reader of mine, and you’re from Mississippi, say something!  Tell me something surprisingly awesome about it.

Because people are going to start thinking I’m uneducated when I walk around calling Louisiana and Alabama neighbors.

 

 

 

posted in Life, Like you care, Priceless Opinion tagged with , , 21 Comments

Open letter to stupid people.

posted on 03/09/2011 by 21 Comments

Definition of STUPID

  1. a : slow of mind : obtuse b : given to unintelligent decisions or acts : acting in an unintelligent or careless manner c : lacking intelligence or reason : brutish
  2. : dulled in feeling or sensation : torpid <still stupid from the sedative>
  3. : marked by or resulting from unreasoned thinking or acting : senseless <a stupid decision>
  4. a : lacking interest or point <a stupid event> b : vexatious, exasperating <the stupid car won’t start>
*from the dictionary of Merriam-Webster.com
I use it here in the broadest sense possible.  I am also well aware that I may have been stupid on occasion- but not as stupid as a lot of people seem to be lately.
*****

Dear Stupid People,

  • Stop packing my groceries with the loaf of bread in the same bag as the heavy ass jug of milk.
  • It is past time to scrape your Bush/Cheney 2004 sticker off of your car.
  • Open your loud bag of candy before the movie or theater show starts.
  • Do not eat chili, nachos, or anything with re-fried beans right before getting on a plane.
  • When driving, I should not have to pass you on the right.  The left lane is for fasties.
  • Stop protesting at soldier’s funerals.  Especially when the soldier died protecting the freedoms you choose to abuse.  Just because it’s your right- doesn’t make it right.
  • Stop stealing a parking space from someone you know has been waiting patiently.
  • You can’t “pray the gay away”.
  • Stop making parents feel bad about how they are raising their kids so you can feel better about how you’re raising yours.
  • Stop pretending global warming is a myth.
  • Speaking louder to someone who doesn’t speak your language will not magically translate it.  Yelling in English is still English.
  • Stop aggressively picking your nose when stuck in traffic.  Your car does not make you invisible.
  • Cover your mouth when you sneeze.
  • Don’t ask a woman when she’s due if your not positive she’s actually due.
  • When the cops say “freeze”, don’t run.
  • Instead of honking your horn, get out of the car and ring the doorbell.
  • Stop promoting hate and condemning love.

Sincerely,

 

*****
PS-  Your left turn signal has been blinking for about a mile and a half.

 

posted in Life, Priceless Opinion tagged with 21 Comments

Toddlers and Tiaras in my head.

posted on 03/01/2011 by 17 Comments

I watched an episode of Toddlers and Tiaras- once.

Just once.

Then we got rid of all our extraneous cable channels.

If we still had that channel, I may or may not watch it- who knows?  We are addicted to judging others in this country, so I would probably end up watching a few episodes, stare at the train wreck, and point the judgy finger.

But, since my lack of cable channels has robbed me of the judging joy, I created my own Toddlers and Tiaras in my head.

It’s better.

*****

The pageant is open to boys and girls, ages 3-4.

There is no registration fee.

Parents are restricted from doing dance choreography in the audience.

There is no welcome brunch. But there will be play pretend time in the morning before the competition starts.

You will be disqualified for use of spray tans.  Contestants are, however, encouraged to run in circles outside to achieve that “healthy glow”.

No makeup is allowed- the only exception is paint that may have splattered onto cheeks during the finger painting contest.

There is no swimsuit category.  But the contestants will be challenged to walk down the runway holding an open, non-sippy cup, filled with water.

The talent portion will consist of sitting quietly in a chair with hands folded in laps for FIVE FULL MINUTES.

* The winner of the talent portion usually wins the whole thing, because holy mamma jamma your kid’s a star if they can pull that off.

Any missing teeth shall not be filled with “flippers”. Instead, the contestant must spit juice through the missing hole.  The farthest wins the category.

Instead of the “sparkle” or “formal wear” category, there is “dress up” time.  All kids are required to pull costumes out of a trunk and dress each other up.  Rhinestones and sequins are choking hazards.

There will be nap time.

The overall winner will receive ice cream, and hopefully, teenage years free of therapy.

There will also be prizes given out for Mr./Miss Stood Still For At Least One Picture, and Mr./Miss Did Not Pee Their Pants The Entire Competition.

*****

This video is full of win.  I love the face off Tom Hanks.

Thank you Jessica Gottlieb for sharing it the other day.

*****

posted in Life, Priceless Opinion 17 Comments
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