My vagina is back… and it’s a little curious.

posted on 04/30/2011 by 8 Comments

Where did it go?

Not sure, but the past few months it’s as if it’s closed up shop, packed its bags and went on a long camping trip in the desert.  The dry, dry desert.

Tumbleweeds and all.

The exhaustion of motherhood, a husband who works full time, and goes to school in the evening full time, have all added up to me forgetting my vagina is even there.  And when Hot Nerd is actually around and feeling frisky, sex doesn’t seem exciting enough to be worth the effort.

That, my friends, is not how it should be.

At least… so I hear.

So, I decided to do something about it.

I decided we needed a toy.

If any of you know me personally (which 3 of you do), you would know that this is extremely adventurous of me. But it was starting to freak me out how much of a chore sex was starting to become.

I remember getting so excited to play with a new toy as a child. I remember not wanting to sleep, or do stupid things like brush my teeth or clean my room. If I had a new toy… I just wanted to play with it… forever.

I was hoping the same would be the case with an adult toy.

And you’re not going to believe what I decided to get. Just your regular old vibrator seemed ordinary to me, and wouldn’t really spice up our sex life as it would spice up my alone time. So I picked out something Hot Nerd and I could use together, and the lovely folks over at EdenFantasys sent me this:

 

 

I know, right.

It’s got vibrating “bullets” that are on either end.  And the little “rabbit ear” ends are for stimulating the lady front and back. That’s the part that got me really excited to use it.

Wanna know how it was?

Ha- of course you do!

Well, Hot Nerd was  over the moon for it. It was very intense for him, and he made all kinds of fantastic faces and noises. The ring was very soft and pliable- not the least bit uncomfortable. And cleaning the toy was actually fairly easy afterward. The bullets needed a good wipe down, but the rest of it got washed in good ole’ soap and water.

But it didn’t quite hit the right spot for me. The longer rabbit ear side would hit just above where I needed it to, and the shorter side would hit just under. I suppose it just depends on how close together your parts are. That had the potential to get a little frustrating, but I was busy basking in the thought, “Look at us! Look at what we’re doing!”

That’s the important part: We tried something new. It was fun. And I’m not one to give up so easily. With a little jiggling, wiggling, and basic gymnastics, I may get this thing to do wonders for me.

I’m willing to try a different kind of toy too.

Because my vagina is back… and it’s a little curious.

It wants to know what else is out there to play with. And it wants to know how far I’m willing to go to make it happy.

I’ll let you know when I find out how far that is.

*blush*

 

*This item was gifted to me by EdenFantasys. Go visit them. They have things that make me blush, things that confuse me, and things that make me horny just looking at them.
People need sex. People need fun sex. And people should talk about sex more often.
posted in Definite Overshare, review/promo 8 Comments

Why PR should not ask me to test drive a car.

posted on 04/11/2011 by 7 Comments

I was asked to attend a fashion event and test drive a car several months ago.

I am not going to tell you which event because it was incredibly disorganized and I  was not impressed with it… but also because I’m ashamed that it took me this long to tell you I wasn’t impressed with it.

That’s beside the point.  The point I’m trying to make here is this-  it is clearly a mistake to ask me to test drive a car.

It was  a Chevy Camaro.  I have no other details for you.  I remember no numbers, no details, no important car-like stats.

I am clearly unfit to test drive any car for promotional reasons.

Not to mention I am always deathly afraid of crashing it.

I do remember that it made me giggle a little like school girl.

So, all I have to leave you with is this video.  Do not expect to learn anything about the car in this video.

 

I don’t know why my voice sounds like that.

Also, this useless video was shot with a Bloggie Touch that Sony sent me to “test drive”.

I make no promises there.

posted in Life, Like you care, Not really a post, review/promo tagged with , , 7 Comments

Things greater than myself- Heart Of Haiti.

posted on 01/11/2011 by 4 Comments

Amidst the whirlwind of my weekend- sick child, medical bills, and paralyzed dog, I am still reminded that there are things greater than myself.  I am still knocked over every now and then with the Universe saying, “Take a look at what you DO have you freaking moron!”.

And I am grateful that often I am given the opportunity to give back.

January 12th marks the one year anniversary of the devastating earthquake in Haiti.  A year later, the Caribbean nation is still trying to rebuild. However, there is an initiative that has offered the first sustainable income since the quake. It’s called Heart of Haiti, and was founded by Fairwinds Trading CEO Willa Shalit.  This initiative has teamed with Macy’s, and enables master artisans to turn raw materials, like recycled oil drums, wrought iron, and stone, into works of art, useful products, and ultimately income for the people of Haiti.

And when it boils right down to it- when someone I love has a birthday, or if I have a selfish urge to buy something for my home, I’m able to do it.

I still have that luxury.

And my guess is- so do you.

So why not buy here:

http://bit.ly/HeartofHaiti-ShopforABetterWorld

And buy something like this:

Why not buy with heart?

I will if you will.

Because in the end,

there are still things greater than myself.

And people doing far bigger things.

I can only hope to be a small part of it.

*****

I was selected for this very special “CleverHaiti” opportunity by Clever Girls Collective, which endorses Blog With Integrity. All opinions are my own.
posted in Life, review/promo tagged with 4 Comments

Green Eggs and Ham, brushing my teeth, and “boogies”.

posted on 10/18/2010 by 22 Comments

a am and anywhere are be boat box car could dark do eat eggs fox goat good green ham here house I if in let like may me mouse not on or rain Sam say see so thank that the them there they train tree try will with would you

Above are 50 words.

Dr Seuss accepted a challenge from his publisher to write a book using only 50 words. In 1960, he did just that.

Green Eggs and Ham was born.

I deem this book, one of the best books on the planet, and here’s why:

  • It tells a story using only the above words, and uses it in a cumulative way.
  • It encourages toddlers to eat “green things”, which is a constant struggle in my house.
  • It’s about being open minded- which, let’s face it, we could all be a little bit more of.

But for me, the real reason why I am so in love with this book right now is because…

I’m exhausted.

This book keeps my two year old happy in his crib when I need to brush my teeth.

This book saves me from bedtime battles.

This book gives me moments of peace throughout the day while my son sits quietly, trying to memorize it.

And when the old, curmudgeonly character in the book finally decides to try green eggs and ham, Bam Bam squirms, and claps, and says “hooray”!  And that gives me the little boost I need to get through the rest of our bedtime routine, or lunchtime routine, or meltdown, or crisis.

And well, if I must be honest, we are having a bit of a problem in my house.

A very serious problem.

*sigh*

My son has decided to live with his finger up his nose.

dig.  dig.  dig.  dig.  dig.

One of the few times he takes it out, is to put whatever “boogie” he has found into his mouth.

The exception being… when I read this book.  (Apparently, the whole encouraging toddlers to eat green things doesn’t apply here.)

He instead becomes so enthralled with the story, that he sits intently, with his “booogie” perched on the end of his index finger.

He just forgets to eat it.

And for some miraculous reason, after I read the closing lines of the book:

I do so like green eggs and ham!

Thank you!

Thank you,

Sam-I-am!

He just gives me a huge grin, shoves his finger at me and says expectantly, “I got a boogie.”

I am then able to grab it with a tissue and send it off to it’s resting place.

So, Happy 50th Birthday, Green Eggs and Ham.  Thank you Dr. Seuss for those 50 words.  It was well worth the 50 bucks you won from your publisher in that bet.

I thank you.

Tired mommies and daddies thank you.

And trust me, “boogies” everywhere thank you.

*****

I’m sure you’ve heard me tweet about the HAM IT UP video contest. There is still time to enter!

It runs from September 21st – November 3rd, and you can enter at http://www.Seussville.com/GreenEggsContest

They’re giving away limited edition art from the Dr. Seuss estate, as well as $$$.

Go be creative, or something!  It’s good for the soul.

*****

Also, I’m feeling uber daring- so, in honor of Dr. Seuss, I will write a post using only 50 words. These 50 words will come from you. Leave a comment below, and ONE word suggestion. I will cut it off at 50.

It will either be brilliant, or it will suck. But if I can save the life of even one “boogie” it will be worth it.

*****

*Margot, over at BeAffinitive.com gifted me two copies of the anniversary edition of Green Eggs and Ham on behalf of Random House. Don’t worry, I will find a way to make sure one of you gets one.
posted in Life, review/promo tagged with 22 Comments