The Webz Told Me

Keep your tongue out of my Internet.

posted on 09/12/2011 by Jenni Chiu 20 Comments

Remember this post – Think For Me. Thank you. - where I asked you to pick from my incomprehensible notes on what I should write about? Some of you picked one in the comments, some of you over Facebook, and a lot of you on Twitter. Thank you for taking pity on a swollen pregnant woman and thinking for me.

I have come to one conclusion:

You are perverts.

The clear winner from the poll was this note right here:

Keep your tongue out of my Internet

Now, I swim in the social media ocean every day. I’ve built a lot of relationships online, and would say that over 85% of my communication with the world is done digitally. But part of the reason I like this digital world so much is because I can feel close to you guys without having to BE close to you guys. It’s the perfect little place for someone with social anxiety.

I know I tell you all that I love you – because I do.

But I feel no physical attraction to you… well, most of you. I do not need or want to know what your tongue feels like.

I’m serious.

Japanese scientists (leave it to the kinky Japanese) are exploring the idea of “tactile communication” over the Internet. In fact, they have developed a machine that could allow people to French Kiss through their computers.

The idea is that long distance couples can use it to feel close to one another. I, however think it would most likely be used by people who are not in relationships and can’t find people to french kiss them in real life. It would be like Chat Roulette only grosser.

Right now scientists are still in the beginning stages, and the prototype looks ridiculous… but it’s functional, and could become a reality very soon.

* The news of this actually broke a few months ago. I can’t believe none of you told me about it.

I love the Internet.

Keep your tongue out of it.

posted in Life, The Webz Told Me tagged with french kissing, kinky Japanese, social media, web 2.0 20 Comments

I needed to feel good.

posted on 08/22/2011 by Jenni Chiu 11 Comments

I needed to feel good today…

So, I thought, “Hey, I’ll look for a cute video on YouTube to make me smile.”

Instead I balled my freaking eyes out.

Is it because I’m pregnant, or did you just cry too?

Tomorrow we will return to regularly scheduled programming. Today I will watch this over and over with a box of Kleenex and a box of Doughnuts.

PS- Don’t tell anyone that I’m secretly a big, soft, cuddly mess. If you do I’ll shank you.

posted in Life, The Webz Told Me tagged with pregnancy, Sometimes I cry, YouTube 11 Comments

And once again I save your lives.

posted on 06/20/2011 by Jenni Chiu 10 Comments

I was fine worrying excessively about my everyday problems- pregnancy, medical bills, a sniffly toddler, black widows in my home… but then I was introduced to a project that a company named Vivos is working on, and my anxiety has turned towards the end of the world. There really could be a zombie apocalypse, people. And if there isn’t, it’s still a real possibility that some crazy person is sitting around with nuclear weapons and their finger on the red button, or that mother nature will finally decide to unleash all her natural disasters on us at once.

People, the end could possibly really maybe perhaps be nigh.

And because I love my readers so much, I’d like to take this opportunity to save your lives… or some of them.

Forget saving money for a down payment on a house. I’m saving for a bunker. And I’m not talking a backyard bunker that most likely doesn’t do crap- I’m talking a government-style living facility meant to withstand 20-megaton nuclear blasts.

There are two in the making right now- one in Nebraska, and one in Indiana.

First class accomodations can be purchased for around $25,000 and come with medical, dental, and provisions for up to a year.

In an effort to save more lives, they have also introduced “budget friendly” bunkers starting at $10,000- but be advised, you’ll only get to live for six months, which they’re hoping is long enough for just about any disaster.

Go to the website- www.Terravivos.com to learn about the myriad of disasters you should be fearing.

Watch the videos and get your undies scared off like I did.

One more thing- you have to apply and then be invited to purchase. Not everyone can be saved. So make sure you make up some skill or some useful reason you will be an asset to this underground society.

I’ve already started saving, and so far I have $2.75.

I look forward to seeing some of you there.

You’re welcome.

posted in 21st century, The Webz Told Me tagged with apocalypse, I don't want to die, underground bunkers 10 Comments

Nothing like a Twitter sh*tstorm. #AmazonFail

posted on 11/10/2010 by Jenni Chiu 7 Comments

Nothing like a Twitter shit-storm to get my ass in front of the keyboard.

Today my stream was filled with the hashtag #AmazonFail, and later- a twitter account was opened with the username BOYCOTT_AMAZON.

Why?

Well, if you’ve been living under a rock or secluded in a monastery, I’ll tell you.

It’s because Amazon is offering this book on the Kindle:

The Pedophiles Guide To Love & Pleasure, by Phillip R. Greaves

Yup.

There is no doubt that this book is tasteless, offensive, and promotes illegal activity.

Amazon did release a statement that includes this:

“Amazon believes it is censorship not to sell certain books simply because we or others believe their message is objectionable. Amazon does not support or promote hatred or criminal acts, however, we do support the right of every individual to make their own purchasing decisions.”

The land of social media is in a frenzy, and of course the “knee jerk” reaction is to Tweet, re-tweet, tell everyone, link to the offending site/book, and demand it be removed.

The movement has grown one hundred fold since this morning when I first logged on.

And who knows, maybe it has worked.

We’ve all seen a Mom Blogger or two reign bad PR on an appliance company or two- with a favorable outcome.

This situation, however, strikes me as a little different. Bad PR works to bring companies to their knees, because they are afraid of losing consumers. No one is really in the market for a crappy washing machine, or an unsafe car.

Unfortunately, there are sick people in the market for this book.

I am a firm believer in the power of social media, and I also believe it exists, in part, to facilitate social change.

I just hope we’re being collectively smart about how we use it.

Because this author got more free advertising today, then I’m sure he ever thought he would.

Sixteen hours later, I could no longer click on the link to this book.

Maybe Amazon did take the book off the site. Yay for us.

But only after I watched the sales of the book grow by the hundreds.

*****

UPDATE: The book is no longer being offered electronically.

I’m leaning toward chalking this up to the “win” column. I think.

posted in Life, The Webz Told Me tagged with Amazon, social media, twitter 7 Comments