Hello, and welcome to Web Village Wednesday.
What the hell is Web Village Wednesday? Just something I made up again.
I happen to live where we have no support system. Los Angeles is a weird place where it’s hard to make friends, and our relatives are spread out all over the country. So, you, my cyber buddies, have become like my village.
So, sometimes, on Wednesdays, whenever I feel like it, at unequal intervals, I would like to introduce you to members of my “village.”
If you haven’t figured out by reading my post- Somebody give me an infant!, Hot Nerd and I would very much like to have another baby.
I am becoming increasingly curious as to how different it will be to have more than one child. Right now all my focus is on our son, and he takes up all the time and energy I have.
I wanted someone who could answer this question for me and give it to me straight. So, of course I went to Deb (aka Truthful Mommy), over at The Truth About Motherhood. If you’re a mom, and you’ve never been to visit her, you should. She’ll make you cry, pee your pants, and sigh with delight.
Here is a guest post by the lovely, truthful, Debi Cruz-Beck. Welcome to my village, Deb. I hope you stay a very long time.
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I was recently asked what it was like to be the parent of two children. What’s really the difference in having one child and two children? Well, one child is like having one child. You know aside from the obvious issue of having another child to love. I am here to tell you the difference. I’m going to give you the truth like no one else will tell you. This article is not for the faint of heart. If you are expecting your second, it’s too late to turn back now in the pregnancy but you may want to revisit this post in a few more months so that you can shake your head in agreement.
So let it be written, so let it be known that having a second child is absolutely wonderful. That being said, having a second child is much like having ten children. For some reason, the second child and the first child are never anything alike as far as nighttime sleep patterns, nap routines, feeding schedules, personalities; this is obviously done to keep us on our toes. You know, no one wants us running around cocky being all ” I got this”. SUCKER! You might “got it” until that second baby actually makes its way into the world then your whole world flips upside down. Forget what you thought you knew. Baby number two is all about teaching you the lesson of letting go. Giving yourself over to a higher something and praying it all comes out alright.
That two or three year old that you had so perfectly trained and in perfect sync with you, will surely regress. And no, not any amount of prepping, practicing or having good intentions will change that. My 2 year old, who was completely potty-trained when her sister was born, completely regressed. She decided that if her sister was going to be all ” look at me, I’m too special to wipe my own ass” and get her diaper changed, then damn it..so was she. Damn you diaper fairy, you reneged and threw me under the bus. An exhausted mommy of a newborn and a toddler can only be strong for so long, choose your battles wisely. And NO…piss in your bed or caca on your carpet is not a battle you want to take chances with. Diaper it up! You can deal with that diaper fairy at a later date, perhaps when your ten children are safely at university.
Sleep, well, you can kiss that good bye. There was a brief 2-day period when I had them on the same sleep schedule but they decided (amongst themselves in some clandestine baby coup meeting) that my life was just too damn easy. Where did that get me? It left me getting about 4 hours of sleep on the regular, running around town not knowing which way was up and I’m convinced that my Mommy brain has evolved into full on sun-downers. Peace and quiet? That is long gone. I catch glimpses of it on certain days, when the fates smile down upon me and the girls are NOT picking on one another. Most days, I feel like I need to be an octopus with a fully functional brain and the patience of Mother Teresa just to wrangle my babies. Unfortunately for the girls, nothing on me is fully functioning these days. I’m still trying to regain full consciousness from the second delivery.
The delivery in which I was in the hospital for less than 24 hours because my 2 year old was completely confused about what was going on and my Mommy guilt was out of control. I felt like I was betraying her by having another child, little lone staying away from her an entire 24 hours while her little head swam with abandonment and bewilderment. Don’t worry baby, Mommy’s coming. She came to see her new baby and looked at me with those big blue eyes like “Mama, why have you forsaken me?” She left, I cried, the doctor came in and I asked to go home. I went home. I am yet to get a nap in since. *Gratuitous warning alert* Please, for the love of all that is good in the world, if you are having your second baby and still reading. Stay in the hospital as long as they will allow you. I have learned. If I EVER have a third, I’m staying in the hospital for as long as I can convince the good doctors and nurses to have me as their guest. Hell, I’ll even pay extra.
What I’m telling you, in terms of children, one is like one but two is like ten. With the birth of each baby, our body suffers, our memory diminishes and we become increasingly exhausted but our love doubles. In return, we receive the most incredible little people to share our lives with and more love than our hearts can handle. I would not trade in random hugs and kisses, “I love you Mommy”s or the way my girl’s head fits perfectly in the space between my shoulder and my ear for any amount of sleep or peace and quiet. I look into the faces of my two girls and there resides all the wonder of the world and life is good. That’s what it’s like having two children.
SO TRUE.
When I look at friends that ‘only’ have 1 baby, I think – how damn easy is THAT?
You always have a spare hand free to carry on with your life.
That’s a big thing! With 2, it’s game over – unless I plan on growing another arm.
Amen! I;ve never been so blissfully exhausted in my entire life and quite frankly ,I think I may be growing another arm…to my dismay:)LOL
Truthful Mommy recently posted..When does a Simple Act of Exposure become Life Changing
“Blissfully exhausted” is a perfect description! So if 2 is like 10, then 3 is like 15, right?? I’m asian so my math is IMPECCABLE.
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Ok, this was hilarious: clandestine baby coup meeting. I love it! I totally picture it like the baby in those financial ads hiding stuff in his crib. Super secret baby planning session. Plan “Drive Mommy to the Looney Bin” in place!
We’re talking about a second, but these fears keep hitting me hard. We have it pretty easy with our first. We’re hesitant to go ruining that. But then there’s that LOUD TICKING…
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I love having two. I’d probably do three, if I could get caught in the right moment. We decided to get pregnant with number 2 when #1 was about 18 months old…you know all perfect and shit:) When she was 2 and we had a newborn…we didn’t know what hit us. It was an entirely different beast. But its fun and exciting and they are best of friends ( when they are not tryign to choke one another out that is:)LOL
Truthful Mommy recently posted..When does a Simple Act of Exposure become Life Changing
I have always, ALWAYS told folks that having 1 is like having 1, and having 2 is somehow like having 5–there’s the two individual children and their own issues, there’s the two sets of problems they provoke in each other, and then there’s the one bucket of trouble they manage to get into together. “Baby number two is all about teaching you the lesson of letting go. Giving yourself over to a higher something and praying it all comes out alright.”–Damn straight.
Lee @ RevsinAbs recently posted..1 Day Late-1 Short
Yes, our one bucket of trouble is more like 6 overflowing buckets:)Best friends and worst enemies, many times within 1 day.LOL
Truthful Mommy recently posted..When does a Simple Act of Exposure become Life Changing
YES! One was hard. Two was infinitely harder. Can’t really say much more, as I got the other four when all the kids were older than four years old, so it’s actually easier for me when I have all six than when I have just the two. But those ones you have as babies, they are only exponentially harder…the joy is that they become easier as they get older. Kinda like wine, the are better with age. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVES me a newborn baby. I adore all those milestones and cuddles and babyness of it all. But they sure do get easier as they get older!!!
Love the words of wisdom, as I am not to the “older” stage yet. I am still in the full grasp of the chaos but loving almost every minute of it:)
Truthful Mommy recently posted..When does a Simple Act of Exposure become Life Changing
You nailed it right between the eyes Lady! I felt I was re-living life once my third child was born. That’s like having the 20th, by the way…another post:)
As always, love your words and the truth you with which you entertain our hearts:)
Thanks Bruna! Three, you are just so much braver than I:) I have so much love for and from my girls that it is tempting to get some more of that love and who doesn’t love that new baby smell? But if it feels like 20, oye….that’s a lot of arms I’ll need.
Truthful Mommy recently posted..When does a Simple Act of Exposure become Life Changing
This is so true. My boys are 21 months apart and I feel like I’m herding cats 24/7. But I love them. Love them to bits. You cannot imagine you could love another as much as your first but in truth, love knows no limits when it comes to your babies. The sleep deprivation? It’s all worth it…besides that’s what caffeine’s for right???
January,
I totally agree with you,My only caveat…someone ( who shall remain nameless) had the brilliant idea to give up caffeine for Lent:)LOL
Truthful Mommy recently posted..When does a Simple Act of Exposure become Life Changing
I have only just started considering a second someday.
Maybe not now.
Lol
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LOL! GO for it. It is amazing having too. I promise, all the craziness is totally worth it:)
Truthful Mommy recently posted..When does a Simple Act of Exposure become Life Changing
New reader, here. I just wanted to say, you have nailed this one! On every point.
We waited to have another child because I knew from my wonderfully honest friends that having a 2nd is exponentially more work than one. So, we did not get pregnant right away, I wasn’t ready. Then we found out we were pregnant and we were all confident saying, “Well, no problem, K will be 4 when this one is born (they were born 4 years and 6 days apart). We can do this with our hands tied behind our backs.” Notice how cocky we were? This is important because at the precise moment we mistakenly said that aloud, the universe, or God or whichever name you go by, laughed out our self-sureness and smacked us in the uterus with twins.
Watch your words, people
I love my family more than anything, the feelings I have for them are limitless. BUT, the work is EXPONENTIALLY more. But so are the hugs and kisses.
CIndy,
Holy Moly. I would have passed out with twins. I would have literally passed out on the spot:) Don’t get me wrong, I think they are so adorable but we have twins in our family and it’s always been my greatest fear. But I think God never gives us more than we can handle, so thankfully, he has not seen me fit to receive double blessings. But GO YOU! I agree the hugs and kisses are awesome.
Truthful Mommy recently posted..When does a Simple Act of Exposure become Life Changing
This is just so true! When my 2nd was 6 mos old and my first had just turned 3 years, a friend asked what was the best and the worst about having two. I said, “there is no best thing, and the worst thing is… you have two”. I was so in over my head. The supreme lesson in letting go. Number 3 was a cakewalk. But the 4th… And I’ll tell you, I love it all and wouldn’t change anything
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Lady,
You are one hard working woman. I’m pretty sure my body and definitely not my brain could handle four. I’d be a lump of snot and spit at the mercy of my children…oh wait, that’s me on Thursdays now, with two. I’m telling you. They don’t ever write this baby loophole in all the pregnancy books I’ve read.We should have been warned. lol
Truthful Mommy recently posted..When does a Simple Act of Exposure become Life Changing
Great post! I’m mom to a boy just about to turn two, all of my friends are pregnant–some with baby number two–and I am doing all I can to NOT get pregnant right now. “Two Is Like Ten” should be cross-stitched on a pillow in my home as a reminder (but I am no where near domestically inclined enough to sew.)
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You don’t sew? You’re my kind of people.
Amen, sister!!! Mine are 18 months apart. I was only a mom to my first for 14 months when the 2nd came along (b/c of their ages when we adopted them — 10 months and 7.5 months). I thought I had it figured out…and then BAM! I spent a week with my SIL and BIL this month- they have one child four months younger than my oldest (who just turned four). My nephew will be four in four months. I took him out and spent a lot of time with him and I thought, “Holy shit balls, this is EASY!” Something about going from one to two, especially when they’re close in age, is like adding an exponential number of kids. Doesn’t make any sense. I often wonder if going from 2 to 3 is even more difficult. I have yet to drink enough to find out…
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LOL! Im telling you, I think 3 in theory would be awesome. But I have also not yet been inebriated enough to find out.I’m thinking that could be one helluva hangover:)Bwahaha One I might never recover from!
Truthful Mommy recently posted..When does a Simple Act of Exposure become Life Changing
Jenni, Sorry I’ve hijacked your site:)LOL Love your peeps! Love you too for letting me grace the pages of MommyNaniBooboo , you know that you are one of my favorite bloggy heroes.You are the wind beneath my wings!XO
Truthful Mommy recently posted..When does a Simple Act of Exposure become Life Changing
Gah I love Deb. She’s so awesome. And she uses the word caca. So that takes her up a notch.
Mine will be 5.5 years apart. And nope, since she’s due in 2 months, there’s no turning back now…but this time I’m so gonna take the hospital up on that “take the baby to sleep in the nursery at night” business. Screw. That.
I learned.
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