Today’s post is a…
guest post.
“What?”
“You’ve never had guest posters before! You’re a control freak.”
Yes, I know. But I find myself in a place right now where I am in crisis and running on empty. I reached out to a couple bloggers whom I feel connected with, and asked for help to keep my blog fresh while I regroup.
What can I say? They are kind. They also rock my face off with their own awesome blogs on a regular basis.
The first to christen the guest post pot in Nic, from My Bottle’s Up.
I love her more than words can say.
*******
“we’re totally ready.”
yesterday, watching the magoo climb up the slide instead of sliding down it, i caught up with a neighbor friend.
she’s beginning her 3rd trimester and this is her first wee bebe.
she’s 21, blonde and entirely hot.
totally precious, glowing with her pregnancy awesome skin.
and the bump!
goodness, i forgot about the cute stage of the bump.
this is probably because my cute stage of the bump lasted for maybe 10 minutes.
so we’re chatting. her and i, while the magoo plays.
i ask her how her last doctor’s appointment went… everything on schedule? glucose test good? how’s baby-prep going?
etc…
and then she says, “we’re totally ready. they could come tomorrow and we’d be ready. we have diapers.”
“THEY?!?!” i asked my neighbor.
“no, not ‘they’ like multiple babies ‘they’ but… ugh, i guess i need to find a new pronoun to use.”
my neighbor and her husband are not finding out the sex of the baby (DUH.)
she starts telling me about a church friend of hers who is 7 months pregnant and JUST STARTED TO SHOW.
is that what happens if you’re a hot, young, sexy number who is pregnant? you don’t show until the 7th month?
because that must rock… and not in the way that i rocked my husband’s sweatpants when i was still in my first trimester.
i start to talk to myself in my head… totally not on purpose.
“they? who says, ‘they’ when referring to A baby (singular)?”
“it… the baby… the wee nugget… life 2.0.”
“the options are endless.”
“peanut. little kicker. the animal.”
“the fetus. our love child. precious bundle of unicorn kisses and glitter abounding.”
“ok maybe that last one was a little much.”
“but yeah, you’re totally ready.”
“if you piss yourself once THEY arrive and wonder ‘WHAT THE HELL DID I SIGN UP FOR?’ fear not… you have diapers.”
*******
Go visit Nic and Magoo… you won’t be sorry.
dude, i'm stoked to have popped your guest post cherry.
xo!
Yep…because diapers are all you need to be ready for 'them.'
Ahhh to relive the good old days of blissful ignorance.
Hah! I LOVE this. Nic, you continually make me laugh and glad that I know you
Hope things get back to normal soon, momma. Glad you have sweet friends to care and help take care of you
She is great-loved this post and loved her blog! Kudos!!
Crystal
It is a whole different club, being in the “wait and see circle”. We also chose to be surprised by the gender of our daughter. Having been there, it’s a struggle to find the best prebirth “name”. Peanut is used by everyone, and WAY over used by our OBGYN. Nugget, the baby and the egg, were most suggested. A family member, even suggested we call our package, “it”. We searched for the most special name to call our blessing, our little package, for many many weeks until, alas, we figured out that we had already done it; Yup, you guessed it. The Package. No, it’s not romantic or cute and in the end, it really didn’t express all of the joy, fear, happiness and delight we took in waiting for her to arrive. But it was ours and had meaning to us. To this day, I find that we still refer to her with this term (although never to her face: “The Package is on it’s way to school” or “The Package is in the wind” etc). And after 9 years … I am still not “totally ready” either. Memories … thanks for the Guest Post, I can see why you admire and enjoy her work! <3
New parents put a smile in my heart. Knowing that I don’t have to go through what they are about to invariably softens my day.
My recent post Noise
OH, ignorance really is bliss. I realized I was fucked the moment transition labor kicked in sans epidural and its been a roller coaster of "OH FUCK,WHAT THE HELL?" Moments ever since. Diapers indeed. Poor little stupid girl.21? I hope she enjoyed the hotness of her teens because she's gonna be too damn tired to stay hot once "they" arrive. What is she having Rosemary's baby?Poor girl. I'm still laughing at "we are ready, we have diapers" Does she have a maid, a wet nurse, a masseuse, a chef, a good psychiatrist and a concubine on hand for her husband? Then, maybe with a lot of reading and spontanaeity, she could possibly at least be prepared..but never ready. No one is ever ready!LMAO!Happy mothering my friend!
My recent post Honey- we need to talk
not showing til the 7th month. Pshaw. Seriously. In-between-kids I used to look perpetually 5 months pregnant. that would move up or down a month depending on my lunch.
so ready.
yep. let her live in bliss for a few more months…ignorant bliss
My recent post Mean Kids – bullying