The nation’s heart was broken on Friday when 20 children and 6 adults were heinously gunned down at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut. Anything I could possibly write on this page feels incredibly small and unhelpful in the wake of this incomprehensible tragedy. As a parent, I am aching for the families of those lost, and for the surviving children who’s lives will never be the same.
In the few days that have past I have heard talk of gun control as well as defending our right to bear arms…
I have heard talk of the importance of recognizing and treating mental illness in our society…
I have heard sensationalists blame the lack of God in our schools…
I have seen the articles on whether or not you should tell your kids… when to tell your kids… how to tell your kids…
I have seen the viral facebook posts (falsely attributed to Morgan Freeman) blaming the fame and glory the media gives to the gunmen of these massacres.
I have seen a nation in shock… reacting with both a detached rawness and a fiery protectiveness.
We naturally want to blame, to analyze… to pinpoint…
because if we don’t, how will we keep it from happening again?
I know of no answers.
I don’t know the depths of those parent’s grief.
I don’t know how to help.
I don’t know how to dwell on it… how to ignore it… how to integrate it.
All I know is I’ve started memorizing the way the muscles move on my child’s face.
I know his limbs seem smaller and more tender than they used to.
I know my son is starting to worry about monsters in the closet, and I will not have him worrying about the ones that are real.
I know that gun control is different than banning.
I know that prayer can be a touchstone… it can console, unify, and lift up. I also know that prayer would not have saved these school children from this gunman and his semiautomatic rifle.
I know that we are capable of intelligent discussion…
I know that many of us are experiencing great empathy…
I know that we are ready for, in the words of our president, “meaningful change”.
I know that talking about, reading about, and dissecting the gunman is easier than feeling the pain of remembering the lost.
I know that printing, reading, and hearing his name over broadcasts is easier than hearing all the names and young ages of most of his victims.
I also know that nothing about this should be easy.
Rest in Peace
Charlotte Bacon, 6
Daniel Barden, 7
Olivia Engel, 6
Josephine Gay, 7
Ana Marquez-Greene, 6
Dylan Hockley, 6
Madeleine Hsu, 6
Catherine Hubbard, 6
Chase Kowalski, 7
Jesse Lewis, 6
James Mattioli, 6
Grace McDonnell, 7
Emilie Parker, 6
Jack Pinto, 6
Noah Pozner, 6
Caroline Previdi, 6
Jessica Rekos, 6
Avielle Richman, 6
Benjamin Wheeler, 6
Allison N. Wyatt, 6
Rachel Davino, 29 (Teacher)
Dawn Hochsprung, 47 (School Principal – died trying to tackle the gunman)
Nancy Lanza, 52 (Mother of gunman)
Anne Marie Murphy, 52 (Teacher)
Lauren Rousseau, 30 (Teacher)
Mary Sherlach, 56 (School Psychologist – died trying to tackle the gunman)
Victoria Soto, 27 (Teacher – shot after hiding her students in the closets and telling the gunman they were all in the gym.)
PS – If you are reading this it’s because you are a regular reader, or someone passed it along to you. I have deliberately left the names of the school, gunman, and town out of the title. Search engine traffic after a tragedy gives my stomach a bad feeling.
Beautiful post. Thank you for putting so many of my feelings into words.
Angela recently posted..Reeling
I feel the same way. I have no idea what to say. To go along as if today is the same as last Thursday and write about some silly little motherhood problem feels so wrong. I hate how people are using this to get up on their political soapboxes and start fights.
It’s all so heartbreaking.
Shell recently posted..This I Know
There is nothing in my life now worth complaining about – because I stil have my babies. So much pain. So much grief.
Alison recently posted..The Children Who Will Always Be Children
Yes, I left them out too. It just didn’t seem right.
I’m here because I love you.
That is all I’ve got today.
Lady Estrogen recently posted..The ones left behind
Just seeing those children’s names and young ages written vertically instead of horizontally seems to have a greater impact on the magnitude of this tragedy. So many – so young.
Cathy Flynn recently posted..Man it Blows! Man it Blows! Man it Blows!
On Christmas morning I looked at my kids and though I was incredibly happy that they were happy with the few bullshit material gifts, my mind drifted back to those children, their teachers, the administrators. I thought of those families and the sadness of this holiday and I can’t comprehend it. I can’t. And you’re right: control is so vastly different from banning. I just want something meaningful done. We CANNOT let this go without serious, specific, meaningful discussions and changes. We can’t. We can’t.
Thank you for their names and ages.
Arnebya recently posted..Wordful Wednesday: When Your School Pictures Show Your Mom Wasn’t Paying Attention