Dear Husband in the middle of nowhere,
I am not against your “boy’s trips”. I appreciate your love of the wilderness, and that your best buddies are willing to sleep in the wilderness with you, so that I don’t have to.
However, it is 3 am on day 6 of you being gone and I have come to the following conclusion:
You will never do this again.
I have serious anxiety. To go so far into the middle of nowhere that you are unreachable by phone, telegram, and donkey leaves me in an insanely stressful position. I am all alone with a preschooler and ten month old, without any family, friends, or support system. I was clearly under the influence of something when I agreed to this. You may have had your shirt off.
Because I have no contact with you, I worry every single day if you are alive. Then I convince myself that you are alive, and having a really great time… which is good, because it’s the last hurrah, buddy.
I have realized that I do not function well when you are not here. There is no one to cook a fancy meal for… so I don’t eat well. The kids don’t care about the dirty dishes, so I don’t do them. I have not showered or cleaned the bathroom. At first it was a nice break. Now it’s just stinky.
I lie awake at night listening for intruders, ghosts, and very large spiders.
I have not slept in five nights. I may have had hallucinations. I found my car keys in the trash. I can’t remember our kids names. I am the zombie apocalypse.
I drank too much wine and then tried to apply the dog’s flea treatments.
I did not know we had the Lifetime Movie Network until now. We have run out of tissue.
I have not had an adult face to face conversation in over a week.
Also, I’m almost positive I just bought a condo while you were away.
Hugs and kisses,
Your loving wife.
OK I’m coming over to rescue you now.
But take a shower first, okay?
(OMG when is he coming back??)
Alison recently posted..Physicalness
Yeah… no guarantees on the shower.
Even from the other side of the world you would make it here before he does.
Reading this set me into a full on panic. Six days?! I’d probably lose my mind. I hope he returns soon and you aren’t eaten by any spiders.
I’ve totally lost my mind.
Killed a spider, though.
Oh dude. 6 days already?! You are clearly the best wife ever. I’d say he owes you BIG.
Robin @ Farewell, Stranger recently posted..Grace in Small Things: #7
6 days???? And unreachable by phone? NO.WAY. I support your “Never again” decision!
So… when is your trip? You know the one were you will be gone for 12 days and have a cabana boy to cater to all your needs?
Jen recently posted..Night Time Thoughts
Actually, the BlogHer conference was my trip… I was severely disappointed in the lack of cabana boys.
Does he have life insurance? For the rest of the time that your hubby is gone, try fantasizing about what you’ll do with all that money. Then you can pay somebody to kill those spiders and ghosts.
Cathy Flynn recently posted..Heigh Ho! Heigh Ho! It’s Off to Work on “Once Upon a Time” I Go!
You are too funny. Completely screwed but really funny.
Becky recently posted..New [School] Year Resolutions
Wow! You really are awesome to agree!! Do you think watching the Lifetime Movie Network until he returns would work?!
Roshni recently posted..Big mouth Mama
Oh. Oh yeah. When my husband works a 36 (or ugh, a 72), I’m stuck on LMN. Or I’m dumb and watch something way stupid like Ladder 49. DUMB.
This post also reminded me to go shower.
Jenna recently posted..What We Do on a Friday Night
HAHAHAHA. I’m lucky, I’ve managed for a week w/ M away, but that was with only one ankle-biter. Even so, the “listening for large spiders’ DEFINITELY kept me awake. As if the large spiders don’t come out when M is around… crap. Now I’ll be listening for them whether M is here or not. Damn logic.
Venus recently posted..Can’t we all just get along?