Dear person I used to admire online,
Please get back in your box. I put you in the Wonderful People box – the box for people who are more popular than I, but so very gracious. The box for the talented and smart, but so deserving. The box for the people I’ve never met in real life, but mingle with online and have come to love because they seem so genuine and caring.
Your Facebook status usually end with an emoticon, and are often words of gratitude or encouragement for someone. Your online personality is finely tuned to more of a mother than a cheerleader and that makes you alright with me. You are a beautiful writer, and I have enjoyed our you read me I read you relationship.
I enjoy everything about you… except who you want to be President.
I admire so much of you… except what you’ve said about the topic of abortion.
I smile at your words… except the ones that calmly state that marriage should only be between a man and a woman.
You rarely speak of politics and you never litter my Twitter stream with hateful words. For that I thank you…
but now I don’t know what to do with you.
You’ve quietly climbed out of your box, and now I have no where to put you. I have no compartment, no label for you.
You don’t believe some of my very dear friends should have the same civil rights you do – does that make you any less smart?
You’ve led a privileged life – does that make you any less kind?
You feel abortion is murder – are you any less of a woman?
Do I continue to read your beautiful words? Do I still interact with you online?
My boxes hold less than I thought. People are complicated and messy and selfish when they’re not being giving.
I still like you…
I no longer admire you…
and who knows if that means anything at all.
Oh man. I have a few of these people in my online life too. It’s hard. I will never understand those on the otherside of marriage equality. People who seem like really good people. I don’t understand how keeping a population of people down by denying them their rights as human beings is even a question. No matter what beliefs we hold for ourselves. This is a wonderful post. Thank you for putting words to this. I feel the same.
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this says exactly what i’ve been thinking!!!!! there are a few people i consider dear friends irl, but their politics make me CRINGE!!!!!
Oh, yes, Jenni
Oh how I can’t process, don’t know what to do, with my neighbor who says that there is nothing more ridiculous that marriage outside of a man and woman.
I just can’t be around that. And our children are friends, but I”ve told our children: PLEASE IGNORE HER WORDS.
We are here to love, not judge: LOVE.
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I have such a difficult time reconciling this kind of thing, too. Well presented, Lady.
I’m glad I don’t get political ever.
I don’t think I can deal if you don’t like me anymore.
Wait, that’s assuming you liked me from the start.
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I told myself I wouldn’t get political on this blog. I also told myself I wouldn’t use my spit to clean my kids face…
I try to remember that we all have different views and different things- none of us will agree on everything and that we have to look beyond certain things. I know it’s hard, but seems important to try.
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Agreed – it is important to try. Didn’t anticipate having to try so hard, though.
I have learned more than I ever wanted to know about some people due to their political rants on social media. It makes me so uncomfortable. I have always had a very diverse group of friends. And I love that. I enjoy getting to know those with different backgrounds and viewpoints. On the whole, it helps me increase and improve my own perspective. But the hatefulness and vitriol I see not only causes me to cringe; it makes me seriously rethink some of those relationships. I respect people’s right to their own beliefs and opinions, but if they don’t respect others? It’s tough…
Oh phew – I’m so glad I read your comment before I read this post or I would have just sunk.
And I did think of you and a few others when I was writing my post (whatever will she think of me now?). 
But then, I’m so used to having people think differently from me because I was raised and have always lived in an extremely liberal society. I think the one area where I can struggle is seeing eye to my friends who are Republicans, because I have some very close friends who are. I often think, “how are we friends?” But I just have to toss up my hands to that one, because I’m sure people ask themselves the same question regarding me all the time.
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Okay just re-read and that reply of mine was barely English, but hopefully you got the gist.
Lady Jennie recently posted..Mushroom Soup for the Soul
Why am I so nosy? Of course I want to know who it is.
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blech. i knew it was going to be about this. People come in all different shapes and sizes and so complex. We are complicated. Please, I wish you and others like you would stop doing this to people who don’t vote as you.
Doing what exactly? I was simply communicating how difficult and complicated it is for me at this time in a heated political environment. I have heard many others communicate the same sentiments (Republican and Democrat alike). People are complex and complicated… that was exactly my point.
This hard for me as well. I love someone online and then I find out they don’t feel the same way I do about the same issue you wrote about. I just scratch my head and wonder how they can’t feel the way I feel. To me it seems so logical how is it not for them?
Only a few more days! We can make it!
I wonder if you’re writing about the same person I felt this way about last week. I actually felt sad when I realized that she isn’t someone I’d like in real life.
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Last week I witnessed mutual friends of mine from elementary school unfriend each other over political ranting on Facebook. A 30+ year relationship ended over politics. It’s crazy.
I recently stated on FB I was looking forward to the election ending so people would get back to posting pictures of their cats daily. You, of course, expressed the frustration so much more eloquently. This is a beautiful, honest, heartfelt piece.
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Very well said, imo, Jenni. I have seen some people I thought of as friends, not just online acquaintances, who have chosen to voice their political opinions through social media, opinions I do not share. I’ve decided those things are not what made me befriend them in the first place and that people sometimes change. Like and Admire are often linked but I think seldom thought through. I continue to like AND admire you for being brave enough to share your opinions in your blog. Thank you.
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Thank you. The honest posts are the scariest to publish. It’s true, I have become so fond of many people because of their qualities that have nothing to do with politics. This political season is so very personal for many, though, and feelings are strong on either side. I still “like” many online friends, but “admire” to me is a word reserved for someone I strive to be more like.
Kudos Jenni. You have so clearly stated my feelings, it’s almost eerie. I believe you have succeeded in presenting this confusing conundrum without being hurtful or aggressive, which is unique at this moment in time. I’ll be sharing this.
I hate politics and what it does to friendships. What bothers me most is that conservatives attack the person who has a different view where liberals respect the person and attack the view.
WHHHYYY? Can’t we all just go back to bitching about poopy pants, shoes that don’t fit and crappy tv?
I think this is a great post. As someone who believes similarly your admiree (is that a word??) but not lived not like her, I would like to think that she would be happy that she is out of this box. Not because no one should be in a box; but no one should be in a “wonderful box”. Everyone believes differently, if that differently includes hate – yes that is sad but you should use it to make you grow. Grow in your love and knowledge. Does that make sense?
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Yes. Your sense is my sense – make sense?
I think like and admire are different. I also think that we should not only surround ourselves with people who think and believe as we do so maybe it’s an opportunity to grow for you and her. Can you disagree? Can you engage her in disagreement? Can you ignore that side of her? How do we navigate these waters without giving up who were are? When do we stand up for our beliefs and when do we let something roll off our backs and is it different for different friends and people online and family? I find myself in these situations all the time.
PS. I also don’t understand anyone who is upset that people talk about politics because I’d rather people debate and discuss than not care. Indifference is much worse than vitriol in my opinion.
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I like and admire a lot of people who will not be voting the same party line as me, even for social reasons which I believe in. I refuse to stop liking someone, especially when they can verbalize intelligently why they feel a certain way. If she is inflammatory – that is annoying – but if you both know you just see some things differently, why is it not open for adult discussion so you can both at least understand why you each feel the way you do.
Isn’t that what most rational adults are supposed to do?
Kiran
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I have such a hard time with this. One of my friends turns out to be a pretty conservative republican. He has somehow never mentioned it before, we’ve been friends for 7 years. But to know that he’s going to vote yes on the marriage amendment in Minnesota, is almost unforgivable to me. Because what he’s really saying is that people I love and care about are less than he and I. And they don’t deserve the same rights and happiness as we do. And I have no idea how I reconcile that. How I separate that from someone I’ve been friends with for so long. Is he a different person now? Probably not, but do I think of him differently? Most definitely.
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I don’t know how to not be political, particularly on issues like women’s health and equal rights. My sense of fair play is fundamental to my self identity – how do I just ignore that piece of me? I am the mother of two daughters, one of whom was conceived with ART – how do I ignore the threats to their rights, to their futures?
And I am struggling with my conservative friends, too, because it doesn’t feelright to unfriend them based on the fact they disagree with me. I think diversity is good, although I am having trouble getting an intelligent defense or even discussion of thier beliefs out of them. And the rationales they do present seem banal or insensitive or downright selfish. The conversations make me angry and sad, so I wonder why I am spending my time arguing. And so I go, around and around.
I think it’s the lack of intellectual satisfaction that’s the mot frustrating. I can handle a good disagreement if I can see the logic behind it, but too may partisan discussions end in name calling.