I Remember…

 

I remember your curly hair peeking out from your hat the first time I saw you.

I remember dancing on the street corner at 4 am.

I remember sharing dark secrets as strangers.

I remember swearing we weren’t looking for a serious relationship…

we sold everything and moved across the country together.

 

I remember our living room furnished with camping chairs.

I remember sleeping on the floor.

I remember the crate our TV sat on top of.

 

I remember making our own wedding bands…

They gave me a blowtorch.

On the inside we wrote:

A deal is a deal.

 

I remember you almost passing out at the altar.

I remember making a honeymoon baby.

 

I remember the traumatic birth of our first son.

I remember you stepping up to the plate in the aftermath.

I remember you, exhausted and shirtless, with a sleeping newborn on your chest.

 

I remember you bed ridden for weeks after a surgery.

I stroked your head.

I emptied your urine bottle.

I took such good care of you.

I held it against you.

 

I remember the tightness of your arms…

our bodies heaving with sobs…

I remember you holding me with all you had…

as I miscarried.

 

I remember thinking this whole life together was a mistake.

I remember thinking it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

 

I remember our son’s little voice screaming “DA DA”…

to a sea of graduation caps…

and you holding up your Master’s Degree…

while a baby kicked inside my belly.

 

I remember changing my mind about having our second son…

but he was already on his way out.

“I’m so proud of you.  You are amazing.  I love you so much.  You can do this.”

 

I remember hitting you with an oven mitt…

but I don’t remember what the fight was about.

 

I will remember our shaky hands…

our old, spotted hands clasped together.

I will remember our children’s children…

running circles around our sons.

 

I will remember sneaking to change the temperature on the thermostat.

I will remember you changing it back…

a gentle battle we will fight until we die.

 

I will remember growing…

sparring…

mending…

and loving.

Together.

After all…

A deal is a deal.

*****

 

- Happy Anniversary, Hot Nerd.  Nine years together – five of them not in sin.  I remember so much, yet we only enter the kindergarden of our marriage.  We continue to learn how to live better and love better.

Life has thrown us in so many directions, and our demons are not completely conquered.  Yet in the midst of it all, we’ve made an amazing family.

We will always rise to the occasion…

As long as one of us remembers to hold out their hand…

the other will most surely grab it.