Sometimes, when we are driving on a short road trip to Los Angeles and back, and the baby is napping in his carseat while the four year old has headphones on watching a movie – sometimes, there is nothing for us grown-ups to do in the car but bicker. My husband and I can do some good bickering. We are especially good at bickering about how we bicker.
Hot Nerd: I’m just saying that we shouldn’t criticize each other in front of the kids.
Me: But why do you get to say whatever is bothering you first, and then say ‘Let’s not talk about it in front of the kids’? If you really didn’t want to talk about it in front of the kids then you shouldn’t have said anything at all.
Hot Nerd: It’s disrespectful to talk that way to me in front of them.
Me: Disrespectful? I was merely pointing out that I didn’t appreciate your tone. You have this tone that you take with me sometimes… and you do it in front of them too… It’s not cool, and I’m not just going to shut up and take it.
Hot Nerd: I don’t have a tone.
Me: You have a tone.
Hot Nerd: Shhh! You’re going to wake up the baby.
Me: I’m not going to wake up the baby. I’m whispering.
Hot Nerd: You’re whispering LOUDLY.
Me: Well, I’m angry. How exactly should I whisper?
Hot Nerd: You accuse me of having a tone. You do the same things that you don’t like. You’re the one with the tone right now.
Me: What? How could I possibly have a tone? I’m whispering. The very definition of a whisper is an excess of breath and a lack of tone.
Hot Nerd: (pointing out the car window) Oh look! Fat boy is running.
I slowly turned to where he was pointing and saw this sign:
that was the end of that.