Moms of young infants should not drive.


My latest mail looks like this:


Red means stop.  I know this, I promise you.  This is also my first moving violation ever, in my entire life.  The only thing I have to say for myself is that I wasn’t paying attention – which probably is not a good thing to admit when I was operating a 4500 lb moving vehicle.  I can just see my court date now:


JUDGE:  Are you aware that you made a left turn on red?

ME:  Yes… I am now.

JUDGE:  You don’t deny it?

ME:  No, it’s too much work.

JUDGE:  What do you have to say for yourself?

ME:  I was sleepy.

JUDGE:  Maybe you shouldn’t drive when you are so sleepy.

ME:  Then I wouldn’t be here today, sir.

JUDGE:  Were you sleeping at the wheel?

ME:  No.  But I was groggy… delirious, really.  The infant… with the just getting over colic… no sleep… four months of no sleep… the preschooler… always with the waking at the 5 am… the pee pee… the pee pee in the bed and the waking up… and the nursing… nursing all the time… my boobs are –

JUDGE:  I get it, you were tired.

ME:  And distracted.

JUDGE:  Distracted?  What were you doing?

ME:  Singing Where Is Thumbkin.

JUDGE:  I’m afraid I’ll have to throw the book at you.

ME:  I’m afraid I won’t catch it.


This doesn’t look good for me, friends.  Sure, I thought about just denying it altogether, but those damn traffic cameras…

"Where is Thumbkin? Where is Thumbkin? Here I am. Here I am."

It’s settled.  I need a chauffer.

19 responses to “Moms of young infants should not drive.”

  1. Rusti says:

    I’m distracted already with just a 3yr old (singing Thumbkin quite often!) and tired from the toddler-who-won’t-sleep combined with the baby-who-thinks-my-bladder-is-a-trampoline (with other pregnancy related issues of course – heartburn, insomnia, can’t frickin’ get comfortable, etc) so I can definitely see myself here in a few months after this other kid arrives… I wonder if I’ll be able to get Hubs to talk his cop buddies into not showing up for court, hmm… it might require giving him sexual favors… in about 6 months 😉

  2. Hey you smiled for the camera!

    Sorry about the violation. Maybe if it’s a female judge, she’ll be er, lenient?

  3. Shell says:

    We all need a chauffer! And a cook. And a maid.

  4. Vittoria Quane says:

    is this the answer to your problem?
    ps. you look super cute in your photo.

  5. Jen says:

    People make this big deal about how texting while driving is distracting and dangerous. Well those people have never driven with small children.

    They should make that illegal and give us mommies a damn limo including a drive and partition so that the kids can be loud and we can nap.

  6. Venus says:

    OK. We should all wear masks while we drive so that when we offend, we can plausibly say “That wasn’t me!”. Of course… that assumes that we have brain-share enough to a) procure said mask; and b) remember to wear the damn thing. Forget I said anything.

  7. ChiMomWriter says:

    I got a ticket for turning left on red when Abby was about that age. Same deal – she was a horrible sleeper with bad reflux, so I was a zombie. I’d just treated myself to a rare outing to the Starbucks drive-thru… and got pulled over. And only had an expired insurance card on me.

    The cop laughed at me as I tried to explain that I never even leave the house, pointing at Abby, who, of course was screaming. No mercy.

    It’s cool, though, because three years later? I’m totally over it. Can’t you tell? xo

  8. John says:

    Does one simply have to request a chauffeur, because, if so, I’d like to sign up.

    That sucks, mommy. Seriously. I got pulled over, not too long ago, for operating a vehicle with out-of-date inspection. It sucked . . . it was my first moving violation since I outgrew my “I’m driving, and there is a prize for getting there quickly” phase. It sucked.

  9. The Sweetest says:

    I got a ticket for running a stop sign when my son was an infant. Never even saw it. My first ticket in many years, and I was about 45 seconds from home with my little one screaming in the back while the policeman wrote up the ticket. Grrr.

  10. Michelle says:

    I love you the most.
    Traffic cameras blow.

  11. At least you look like you’re happily singing Where is Thumbkin!

  12. Jessica says:

    Seriously there are all of these no texting, no calling, no everything while driving campaigns. There should be one to get all of us moms chaffeurs because the amount of work it takes to keep kids happy in the car or drive while kids are screaming in the car is beyond exhausting.

  13. Jessica says:

    And I have to add, every time I land on your blog somehow I love it and I don’t know why I’ve never subscribed. Doing it now.

  14. Alexandria says:

    i love that your smiling! i think it will also help your plea of insanity 🙂

  15. […] I discovered there was a Jenni Jekyll and a Jenni Hyde, but I’m not sure which one shouldn’t be allowed to drive. […]

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