My toddler wears a leash.
I also give him treats to get him to behave at the grocery store.
I tell him he’s a “good boy” at least ten times a day, and I make sure he has plenty of fresh water.
Here are some words and phrases I’ve read, or heard tossed around about parents like me:
dehumanizing
degrading
lazy parenting
irresponsible
child abuse
And I must admit, I always felt very iffy about the whole tethering your kid thing.
That is, until I had one.
I can only assume that these anti-harness people have never had a toddler, or been responsible for caring for one full time. Or perhaps they do have kids and just assume that all parents, all children, and all situations are the same… or they just can’t take their judgy glasses off.
Yes, of course “they didn’t have child harnesses 50 years ago.” They also didn’t have iPhones and I don’t see yours sitting in the dumpster. We’ve developed a lot of things that make our lives better and easier… it’s called progress.
Yes, it’s marketed as a “buddy harness”, “backpack”, or “tether”. And I know that making it look like a stuffed animal (ours is a puppy), doesn’t really change what it is- a leash.
Do you want to know the real reason my son wears a leash?
He’s a genius.
He knows that a stroller is ridiculous when he has two perfectly good legs, and spent about a year building the muscle and brain signals to use them. A stroller is a step backwards, and he’s just not into regression.
He also is not a big fan of holding my hand. Besides the sweaty-ness, he can literally feel me holding him back. He doesn’t like to be that restrained, most geniuses don’t. They need to explore.
He is very tactile and curious. He needs to touch everything, and smell the flowers, and jump, and twist, and feel that little bit of freedom that is needed at this age. It’s healthy to feel that little bit of distance between him and mommy. I also know that toddlers don’t typically develop much impulse control until about three years of age- so it’s my responsibility to keep him safe.
Now, I don’t use his “puppy backpack” in all situations. But we do take our two dogs on nice long walks, and I’d prefer not to have him darting into traffic. It also came in very handy at Disneyland. Even though, my child is insanely smart, he is not jaded enough to know that someone might snatch him up in the blink of an eye in a crowded place.
We don’t use it when we go to the park, and I spend the majority of the time chasing after him because he’s lighting quick. However, that’s part of the fun of going to the park.
For us, it’s not dehumanizing at all. If anything, it’s empowering. Bam Bam feels like a big boy because he doesn’t have to hold my hand. And I don’t have to panic if I find myself in a situation where I need the use of both of my arms. He loves it. He helps me put it on him. He feels the freedom and safety it gives him. He’s smart.
Sure, I’ve seen the You Tube videos of parents dragging their kids around on the ground by their leashes, or yanking then unnecessarily. You can find stupid parents everywhere, it has nothing to do with the product.
Here’s my least favorite comment about the whole subject:
Why don’t you just make your child behave and teach them to stay by you in public?
Hee hee hee hee hee… your so funny… and moronic, it just makes me giggle.
Sometimes, you can’t make a toddler do anything (at least not without the use of physical power, or fear, and I’m not down with that). This is the stage when they are asserting their independence. And Bam Bam is headstrong. He knows now that he has the option to choose. But, you know, that’s because he’s f*cking brilliant.
Einstein didn’t like people telling him what to do either.
I’m not a lazy parent. I’m a smart parent, who recognizes her child’s need for a little independence, and refuses to endanger him at the same time. He likes it, I like it. He is not humiliated in the least. He doesn’t know the meaning of the word.
I don’t raise my child the way our grandparents were raised: when spanking was the norm, and children watched each other because mom was too busy washing all the clothes by hand. We’ve made a lot of advances over the years, technologically and socially. And yup… my son’s a whiz on my iPhone, knows how to run a dishwasher, and wears a leash a lot.
I need to be clear here- I am not into putting a leash on your ten year old. I know the time will come when the leash will come off. Someday soon Bam Bam will have the patience required to learn to stay by Mommy. But until then, our “puppy backpack” is just another tool in my arsenal of parenting tricks.
Because, yes, I do have an arsenal. I’m not a lazy parent in the least.
My son is well adjusted, sleeps 12 hours through the night, has a two hour nap during the day, and doesn’t suck his thumb or use a pacifier. He also knows the entire alphabet, his colors, shapes, and can count to 30. To top it all off, he says please, thank you, your welcome, and bless you.
He is also 23 months old.
So before people get all judgy about parents who tether their kids to them… have you ever considered that perhaps their child is a genius, and they have no other choice?
I’m a good parent.
A dedicated parent.
A smart parent.
And yes…
I’m lucky enough to have an effing genius kid on a leash.
If your toddler is dumb, you may not need one of these.
I think good parenting can be defined similarly to a good landing in an airplane… anything you can walk away from helps.
Now for my next question. Do they make puppy packs for husbands?
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Yes… the straps are adjustable…
I’ve heard people say “I would never do that to my child.”
That it’s like treating your kid like a dog.
Well, I give my kid a bath- I also give my dog a bath.
People are so judgemental.
I know it’s a hot topic, but I don’t get it.
PS- you’re funny.
Thanks for the laugh today. I needed it. Wandered over here from SITS…loved this post. And the Escalade post too. You’re bookmarked now, so be prepared for me stalking your comment box.
Aww, I love being bookmarked almost as much as I love being spoon fed chololate. The latter hasn't happened lately, so you're my new favorite person!
Interesting post. So sorry you feel you have to defend your parenting decision – I hate feeling that way! I say, whatever works that isn't harming your child, go for it. I admit that the leash thing isn't for me (I'm on kid #3, first two were out of strollers before they were 2 and OF COURSE they are geniuses!) but guess what? I'm not the parent of YOUR child. So your decisions are none of my business! I wish we could all just stop judging each other, you know?
Over from SITS
I KNOW!
As a parent, I think some of us are quick to judge because we are so afraid that we're doing it all wrong ourselves.
Let's all just stop with the judging of others… except, of course, the people on reality TV… that's what they're there for…
Parenting has taught me one big phrase "never say never". I wish I had these on several occasions, like when my son decided to run out in the parking lot at a baseball game as a teenager came barreling the aisle in his truck. Scary!
I also said I would never dress my kid in "character licensed" clothes (I type as I tie my son's Lightning Mcqueen shoes worn with his Spiderman shirt and Buzz Lightyear hat), and I also said I would never drive a mini-van (watch me push a button and make all the doors open at once)!
Keep doing what you are doing, you are a great parent!
Oh! I love this!!! I too had a genius who was tethered – back in the EARLY days of the baby leashes – the 80's. You should have seen the looks I got back THEN! Whew, but it was better than my incredibly brilliant 3yo daughter climbing the fish tanks at the aquarium, or slipping into the lion exhibit at the zoo; or worse still, hiding in one of those darned clothing racks at the mall!
Yeah, geniuses need room to breath, excercise, and explore! No judging here!!
Stopping by from SITS, and bookmarking! Prepare for even more stalking!
I have to admit, I am not a fan of the leash myself.
I am, however, a fan of parents making their own decisions about their child's safety and health. I have worked with children for over a decade and I have seen many a non-caring parent. Parents whose child(ren) put themselves in harms way and while the parent pays no attention. We all know or have seen people like this. So, good for you for doing what is right for your son and his safety. Just because it's not right for one person doesn't mean it isn't for another.
What a great post! I am pretty sure they weren't out 10 years ago when my baby was a baby but if they would have been I would have definitely used it
I think it is brilliant!
stopping by from SITS.
my kids have always been quite ninja when it comes to escaping me. i have a 4 yo, 2yo, and 7 month old. it's a zoo. i haven't "leashed" any of them, but that's mainly because i can never remember to buy one of those darn backpack thingies when i'm in the store. usually i think about it in the heat of the moment…. round about the time one of them decides to bolt on me (and really…it's just the 2 yo….thank goodness. my 4 yo listens and is VERY safety conscious and if my 7 month old was running away from me….that would be a whole 'nother set of issues!).
Stopping from SITS! JDaniel used one of these. I got a few looks, but he stayed out of trouble.
I just found you on Sharnanigans blog. I love this post. I have always been totally against putting a harness on my child and you completely changed my point of view, that coupled with the fact that my son is 15 months old and starting to refuse the stroller.
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The harnesses have been around for kids since my Brother was a child and he’s 65 now. They were a good idea then and a good idea now. Some kids are just so inquisitive and busy that it gives parents a jump on keeping track of them and not stifling their independence. Child safety is important and I’ve seen more than once a child almost hit in a parking lot because a mother is juggling purchases, purse, child and keys. My girl is 18 now and was fearless when she was 3. Now she’s a very well adjusted fearless adult. Nope nothing wrong with using tools available for good parenting.
Bravo! I wasn’t genius enough to realize it was my boys
geniusness (is that a word) that they needed to be tethered!
Fantastic post!
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Hey, the hell with whatever anyone thinks. If I thought someone disagreed with me, I always knew that I’d disagree with a lot of how THEY do things! To each his own. When my son was little, he was a genius too. He was 2 1/2 and knew how to work the VCR and he taped his show over our fantastic Christmas morning video. (I was the stupid one not to break off the recording tab.) Good luck with your genius!
Best,
Gloria
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Visiting from SITS. Thanks for a great laugh! My boys are
also geniuses, and there were times that the “leash” came in very
handy.
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