One week postpartum – things I’ve learned while on drugs

Where have I been?

Well, after pushing a baby out of my vagina without any medication, I learned that I did indeed split my pubic bone again.  So, since then, I’ve been recuperating in the craziest, most stressful house known to man.  But with all big trials comes great knowledge.  Here’s some of the things I’ve learned this week.


  • Sometimes Twitter is a good labor coach.
  • “Transition” is a misleading name.  “Holy Crap, If I Don’t Die I Will Kill All Of You” is much more apropos.
  • Pubic bones are fickle.  Be nice to yours.  You never know when it could turn on you.
  • Sleep is for the weak… or the extremely lucky.
  • If you don’t brush your teeth for days, your jaw starts to hurt.
  • Newborns sometimes sound like cats in heat.
  • Even if you can’t walk, you can always stumble a few steps before falling to your knees to scoop one of your children up after he fell and caught himself with his face.
  • Getting puked on five consecutive times doesn’t really register until your preschooler is no longer in pain.
  • Some husbands get so discombobulated, that they leave their crippled wives on the floor, lying in vomit, to answer the phone… or put food in the microwave.
  •  Sometimes breast feeding advocates will reach for formula supplements when the doctor tells them their newborn is losing a dangerous amount of weight.  Sometimes this breaks one’s heart.
  • Sometimes friends really come through for you.
  • Pooping is overrated, especially when you have lots of stitches.
  • Pooping is underrated, especially when it finally turns to yellow in a newborns’ diaper.
  • When you can’t walk your ass swells.


And perhaps the most important thing I’ve learned this week is:




  • DO NOT take a hand mirror and look at your vagina days after giving birth.




PS-  I am on drugs.

29 responses to “One week postpartum – things I’ve learned while on drugs”

  1. I can’t get over the fact that you had a drug-free delivery – go you!! And ouch!

    Hope that dastardly pubic bone heals fast and you can poop normally soon. Is that too personal?

    You looked at your vagina? WHY???

    Love to Baby Boo!!

  2. MommaKiss says:

    This is what drugs are made for!! You did childbirth without them, though? Why On Earth??

    The preschooler catching himself with his face, well, it’ll heal. Just like your bits will heal.

  3. January says:

    Oh GOD….seriously…I have to repeat Alison’s question….why did you feel the need to look at your vagina?!!! WHY!?!? It HAD to have been the drugs.

    I hope you heal quickly! And let’s hope your husband is now a lot less discombobulated.

  4. Mandy_Fish says:

    I cannot fathom that you attempted to look at your vagina with a hand mirror! I wouldn’t even glance down in the general vicinity for 6 weeks post-partum!

  5. Jennifer says:

    Bwahahahaaaaa! I sooo feel you! “My Girl” just started feeling normal last week – it’s been a long 7 weeks since giving birth for me. But can we talk about hemorrhoids?… Here’s to feeling better and healing fast! And it must have been drugs that made you look down there days after giving birth – I never look down there anymore for fear of looking like Frankenstein.

  6. NOOO!!!

    Drop that mirror!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. Milaka says:

    Oh honey, I learned the don’t look rule with my first kid. And the rule about the ass swelling. And the rule about pooping with stitches. Yep, been there, too. You have my sympathies and my prayers. You all do.

  8. Asianmommy says:

    The first week after delivery is so hard. I was a mess! Get some rest and take care of yourself. Hope you heal quickly!

  9. I had this horrifying moment where I thought I was going to scroll down to see that you’d posted a picture. And then I realized that was highly unlikely (though not totally outside the realm of possibility – you are on drugs, after all).

    That sounds like a lot of not fun. I guess you can’t get a cast for your pelvis, huh?

  10. Minky {moo} says:

    Oh good lord! Why would you Charlotte your vajay? Do. Not. Look. I hope they gave you the top notch grade a drugs.

  11. nellie says:

    Hm yeah I’m with everyone else, I know you are curious but a mirror never helps in that situation. And I agree about the newborns sounding like cats…..

  12. oh my god. you are my HEROINE!

    I don’t know how you’re surviving all of this. But I am taking some serious notes because my time is Friday (if not before).

    I wish there was something I could do. How long are you couch/bed bound? do you have help other than hubs? is the puking over? I hope so!


  13. i love you. i love you. i love you. and i so wish i was on the same coast as you so that i could giggle with you while you’re high on narcotics.

  14. Hang in there Mama. Sounds like this first week has been a real doozie. We’re all thinking about you. GET SLEEP. Stop looking at your vagina!

  15. tallnoe says:

    #5 :: wow! who knew?!?!

    #11 :: aww, sucks.

    Hope you heal soon!

  16. Elena says:

    Oh, my! I’ve also had an unmedicated vaginal delivery and it was definitely NOT on purpose (I’m still looking for that nurse…it’s all her fault).
    Sorry to hear about the fickle pubic bone- hope it heals soon!
    I’m glad you’re on drugs. Enjoy them as long as they last 🙂

    Congrats on your new bundle!

  17. Alexandria says:

    I gave birth 3 years ago I STILL haven’t looked at my vagina. You are a rebel.

    PS. So sorry to hear about the nursing/weight issue. I went through that it & it certainly can be extremely frustrating & make you feel down 🙁 Hope Meatball gets fat off breast milk soon 🙂

  18. It took me a week to poop normally after labor. And when I did finally poop it was such a cathartic experience. I hope pooping is going well now! I wouldn’t look at my vagina after birth for fear that it would resemble Freddy Kruger.

  19. OMG…why did you take out the hand mirror!?!?

    Sounds like things have been ridiculously rough at your house. Sorry about that.

    I had a breastfeeding consultant break my heart too…I’m sure they had to do that.

  20. Oh, I sooooooo would have looked, too, whether or not I had popped a stitch. After what she’s been through, she deserves to be seen and acknowledged. I ogled my c-section scars quite a bit, so that later in life I would have a strong visual for the vague memory of being cut hip-to-hip.

    You are rocktastic.

  21. Melissa says:

    “OHHHHHH!!!!! Dear God, that just made it hurt so much worse!!!!!!! Oh, oh, oh!”

    My words after looking at my 5 star-burst tear after giving birth to my daughter, the day I returned home from the hospital.

    Did I learn my lesson? Nope! Did it again after my son’s birth too. Thankfully that was a much lesser tear and a much better repair job than the 1st time around.

    Hope you heal quickly Mama! So not fun!

  22. I too had a natural child birth. As a result of being able to feel my contractions I was able to tell the healthcare providers when I needed to push and not the other way around…which was awesome! I had a small tear (3 stitches) but one of them FELL OUT like a week later. I was not BRAVE LIKE YOU. I made the Hubs look up in there to see if he could figure out if the stitch was holding anything essential together;) It didn’t help much though…Nobody really wants to hear their partner say, “I’m really not sure what I’m looking at here” while staring up in the vag.

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