Prodromal labor, false labor, pre-labor – suck it.

´”How far apart have they been?”

I looked at my digital stop watch, “5 minutes, 3 minutes, 12 minutes, 25 minutes”.

I was excited.  Even though the contractions were very irregular, something was definitely happening.  The contractions were fairly strong and on again off again all night long.  This baby was on it’s way soon!

>> Fast forward three days. <<

Chinese water torture sounds like a fuzzy adult Snuggie right now.

I sit here in front of this computer screen having had a minute amount of sleep over the past three days.  Roller coaster contractions that completely disappear for an hour or two have pretty much exhausted my body.

I am the zombie apocalypse.  If you speak to me, I will probably stare at you blankly.  If you come too close, I will bite you.  Plus, I make an awful lot of moaning/grunting sounds.

Prodromal labor can suck it.

Some call it “false labor” or “pre labor”.  Sure, I have heard of it, but didn’t experience it with my first son.  And I had no idea how exhausting it could be… and that it could go on for days and days.

I’m dilated to 3 centimeters, but the contractions aren’t at regular enough intervals to do anything but make me uncomfortable and keep me up at night.  The crazy thing is, my pubic bone is not hurting.  Yes, that’s right – the already separating pubic bone that has made it nearly impossible for me to walk this past month… feels totally fine right now.  I’ve been a walking machine – possibly another sign that I am a zombie.  I could walk for days just grunting and searching for food.

So that’s where I’m at right now.

Delerious.

Exhausted.

A little bit hungry for flesh.

If you’re not already, feel free to follow me on Facebook and Twitter.  I’m just crazy enough to give you real time updates of this birth.

And, yes, I’m trying my best to think positively…

I know my body is “practicing”.  I know at some point there will be a baby.

However, my body had been getting pumped for this child for three full days.

I’m pretty sure my uterus could crush a beer can on it’s forehead right now.

#BringOnTheBaby

 

 

 

 

 



29 responses to “Prodromal labor, false labor, pre-labor – suck it.”

  1. I am Jack’s Zombie Apocalypse.

    lol

    BRING ON THE BABY!

  2. on my way, pillowcase in hand.

    xo

    HANG IN THERE< WOMAN!!!!

  3. I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!! and i wish i were there to feed you baby-bird style. cuz i totally would. and then i would rub your back. you’re doing so good, mama!

  4. I have one think to say to you, one zombie to another: BRAAAAINS!

    I hope the false turns true for you ASAP and your sweet baby is on his way into the world soon!

    (And boy am I glad I proofed that sentence, because I’d left the “y” off of “your” and so it read “our baby” — which I think would have mightily confused your readers.)

  5. Kimberly says:

    Pre-labor killed me. I think I had it for 7 months. 😉

  6. Monika says:

    Ugh. I feel for ya. I also had prodomal labor for 69 hours and it suuucked. I didn’t even dilate until the last 12 hours of labor. Hope the baby decides to make an appearance soon.

  7. Jen says:

    Fingers crossed it happens soon. Have sex, eat spicey food or jump on a trampoline.

    Just a thought. 😉

  8. Gah, that SUCKS! However, turning into a zombie sounds….. cool.

    Hang on in there, Jenni!

  9. Sugar Jones says:

    I had false labor with my first. I remember being so excited that I was going to have her… and then so crushed when they sent me home. I seriously felt like I had failed somehow. Like I couldn’t poop because I didn’t eat enough brocolli. Physically and mentally exhausting. But then I had her. 23 years later, I still don’t eat enough brocolli.

  10. I only had prodromal labor with my 4th and it is SUCKTASTIC. UGH! You’d think that because we’ve had babies before we’d magically know that it’s not the real thing, but it IS the real thing. It just goes away. You can do it. Hang in there!

  11. Amy B. says:

    I feel for you. I had false labor for two weeks. TWO WEEKS. I had regular contractions that you could time, and you could see my belly contracting, but I never dilated. I just walked and walked and walked — that was the only thing that brought me relief. But it was Vegas in the summer, so I had to walk around the malls and casinos, since I couldn’t go outside.

    My advice is do whatever you can to relax yourself. My doctor even gave me permission to drink. Like I needed an excuse…

  12. Amber says:

    This started happening to me at around 24 weeks with my last pregnancy and didn’t stop until around 36 weeks when my uterus went enragingly still.

    Sorry this is happening to you. That sucks.

  13. Tracie says:

    Just think of the book you will be able to write one day: I Was A Zombie Mother

    It will make it all worth it.

    Well, that and the baby.

  14. And it’s not like you feel like doing anything fun to get that labor going. Now that really sucks. Hope baby comes really soon.

  15. melissa says:

    i hated that ‘false labor’ crap. i was having regular contractions but nothing else was happening. the hospital made me pace the halls for an hour, claiming it would bring it on faster. a week later, my son was born. ugh. good luck. i think i might be having sympathy contractions for you and i’m not even pregnant.
    #BRINGONTHEBABY

  16. ChiMomWriter says:

    Wow, I am so totally signing up for real-time updates on all of your social media. The crescendo of profanity should prove to be amazing.

    You’re doing awesome. I only did 36 hours of the grunting-to-self before getting let in to the hospital, so I hope you’re there soon. Nothing like a kid managing to piss you off before you’ve even gotten to meet ’em. 😉

    Thinking good thoughts…

  17. John says:

    *fingers crossed for you*

    I live-tweeted the birth of my daughter . . . I’m turning on SMS notifications from you – just for the kicks :-)

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  19. I am loving your tweets from the hospital, girl! Just glad it’s finally your time and I hope your pubic bone will remain intact. HANG IN THERE! SO excited for you!

    xoxox

  20. WORD. It does suck. HN is giving awesome #Bringonthebaby updates and we are all waiting with bated breath! Push it!

  21. Go, go, go! You can do it! Can’t wait to hear how/when everything turns out!

  22. Oh. So THAT’S what I had, twice. I never knew it had a name, I only know that on Dec. 22 I was saying, “I am NOT going to have a Christmas Day Baby!” and two days later I was saying, “fine, FINE, I will have a Christmas Day Baby, just get it out of me!”

    Thanks for the birthin’ edumacashun.

  23. You poor thing…that sound hellacious! Having never experience labor myself (thank you c-section twins), I have no advice but to keep writing about it so you can torture your future child with scenes of this prodromal stuff.

  24. Boo false labor! But yay baby nani boo boo!

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