Sounds – Also, little people shouldn’t break bones.

 

The sounds…

the sounds are still haunting me as I fight my way through this exhaustion.

As I cradle you, and make silly faces, and marvel at your resilience…

they poke out from my memory and steal our brief moment of normalcy.

They push my own anxious sighs out of my upper body, and they circle the chatter of my oldest boy.

The sounds…

The sound you made whimpering in my arms.

The sound of your little screams as the ER team worked on you.

The sound of you howling the word you learned not too long ago – “ow”.

The deafening sound of a mother’s nightmare…

of what could happen when you turn away for a second.

The sound…

the sound I can’t shake, that is unlike any other…

the sound of my own child’s bone breaking…

It is the sound that replays in my head.

The sound that kills me.

The crack that sounds so very much like my heart breaking.

 

 

broken femur

Oh my heart.

 

jenni chiu sig

 

 

 

Discussion

  1. Megan says:

    My son had a friend recently break his arm and it required surgery- I keep imagining that hell and I wasn’t there! A swift recovery and peace for both of you.

    • Thank you. We are lucky that the break was straight up and down from his hip to his knee. If it was across and displaced the bone we would’ve needed surgery. Surgery on little ones is so hard.

  2. Jennefer says:

    Thinking of you all, and understanding your Motherly pain. Kids are resilient, You’re an Amazing Mommy, and life will go on and this fade into a story mommy and dad tell me, in his mind. Your memory however, will remain the same, and the Sounds will never fade. They are held tight by a Mothers Love …. Which is why you will get through this and why they are both lucky to have you. I know there will be many more feelings tied to this emotional hashtag, am a few years ahead of you on the path, and all I can say is that what our children remember of these horrors in our hearts is the absolute Love and Care we have them. And the Trust in us that never falter. Head up young person. Lots of Love!! And kiss that brave little guy for me.

  3. Oh, mama! I know your pain. All too well. When my daughter was a baby, she rolled off my bed, hit her head and lost consciousness. Just turned my head for a second, as you say. She was OK. Minor concussion. I took far longer to recover than she did. And it still haunts me. She, on the other hand, has no memories of it. And neither will your sweet one. I hope the recovery is smooth and rapid. Hugs to you!

  4. I can’t imagine.

    You poor thing… xo
    Alexandra recently posted..Things I’ll Miss About My Life When Summer Vacation Begins

  5. No mom should have to have that sound in her head. :( Big hugs (and teddy bears) for all of you.
    Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..Conversations with the Steam Cleaner

  6. Oh no, poor baby. Get well soon, little one.
    And you too, Jenni, may your heart heal too. xo
    Alison recently posted..Words

  7. Tanya says:

    J- I’m so sorry to hear. What a horrible thing to go through. I know what it’s like to have flashbacks/nightmares of “the sound” and/or your sweet LO screaming. This happened to me when Kai was 10 months and our family dog attacked him on the top of the head. Lots of blood and lots of screaming and I couldn’t erase the sound. The snarl, the bite, the pause, and then the blood.curdling.screaming. Thankfully my son was on all fours looking down instead up. He has a scar on the top of his head instead of his face. You’re an amazing mommy and your love is all he will remember.

    • Oh my – how scary for you guys! I hope you are right about him remembering just the love. I’ll hold all the bad memories so he doesn’t have to.

  8. Oh NO! I’m glad everything is going to be okay. I would have been absolutely terrified as well!
    Marta recently posted..How I Like My Eggs.

  9. Oh Jenni. I am so sorry. I hope one day this will fade into memory for you as it will for him, only for him it’ll be in a fraction of the time. Kids are so resilient, and moms are so programmed to feel it all. Sending you love –
    Nancy Davis Kho recently posted..An Open Letter to the African Tribal Statue in My New Neighbor’s Picture Window

  10. Oh honey!! Poor you and poor little one. They are amazingly resilient as you said. You however, will be traumatized longer. Hugs to you. I wish I wasn’t in bodunk Montana so I could help you out and give you a break now and then. I can send you positive energy, patience, and strength.

  11. Oh dear lady, so so sorry for this hurt. For both of you.

    Much love.

Trackbacks

  1. […]  I’m kind of freaking out because my youngest is in a half-body cast and my oldest started puking last night.  They are home with my husband and how will he reach me […]

  2. […] weeks ago my youngest was put in a half-body cast.  The amount of care he needed, and the amount of stress in the house kept me spinning in a sleep […]

Leave a Comment

*

CommentLuv badge