Stop talking about a Zombie Apocalypse… So I can prepare for the Zombie Apocalypse.

 

 

Zombies are the new vampires…

except not as sexy…

or sparkly.

I usually get burned out quickly on whatever the latest fad or popular fantasy is.  I loved the show True Blood until everyone else loved the show True Blood.  I got burned out on the Twilight saga so fast that I couldn’t even bring myself to see it.  I’m so tired of hearing about the book Fifty Shades of Grey that I took that color out of my son’s crayon box.  Perhaps it’s because I’m afraid that if I do experience these things after all the tremendous hype, I’ll be disappointed.  Perhaps I have a need to not be like everyone else.  Perhaps it’s the rebel in me.  Perhaps I have an exaggerated fear of being brainwashed.

At this moment in time, I am sick of hearing about the Zombie Apocalypse, but not for my usual reasons.

Right now everyone should stop talking about it because

oh

my

God

you

are

freaking

me

the

fuck

out.

Have you people not heard of “creating your own reality”?  The laws of attraction could seriously bite us in the ass here.  I’m afraid that  all our forms of media are like one giant vision board, and that every time “zombie apocalypse” is trending online, a new herd of zombies is made.

People are chewing each other’s faces off in Miami.  A college student ate his roommate’s heart and brains in Maryland.  The Mayans have predicted the end of the world in 2012, and people are betting on zombies being the cause.

Can we please shut up about it?  It’s starting to incite panic.  Soon people will start walking around with guns and bows and arrows like they do on AMC.  Shooting lessons will triple in cost – let’s face it, you can’t just point and shoot in the general direction of a zombie.  It has to be the head, people. The prices on non perishable foods will sky rocket, and people will start hoarding water and buying horses.

Stop talking about it!

Let’s go back to vampires and things that sparkle.

That way my husband can finnish his plans for our underground shelter without paying too much for the materials.

That way I can buy a gun (which I never thought I’d do), and I can cleverly disguise it as switching parties and becoming a republican.

Let’s all pretend the world is a shiny happy place, and get phrases like “overabundance of money” or “glazed doughnuts” trending online.

Truly, if the media is really creating one giant vision board, let’s attract doughnuts…

lots and lots of doughnuts.

 

PS- If one of you buys this for me, I will save you a spot in our shelter.

Discussion

  1. I completely agree with you… they need to STOP TALKING ABOUT ZOMBIES!

  2. Michelle says:

    Oh great… giant vision board…
    We are so screwed.
    PS- I still love zombies, but only on TV – not in real life.

  3. I completely agree with you. People like my sister, who never before thought the Zombie Apocalypse could be real, is also now trying to come up with her own safety plan. Seriously, let’s talk about doughnuts… yum, delicious doughnuts!!
    Rachel recently posted..Eighteen Years

  4. I HATE Zombie talk!!! But I hate it for the first reason you mentioned…just the hype of zombies it’s like ENOUGH ALREADY. It was kind of funny when the Bloggess mentioned it once, but now everybody all the time is talking about Zombies and it makes me want to kill puppies.
    Kat recently posted..Freedom Lemonade

  5. I never even get into the whole zombie apocalypse & the other day I terrorizing my little sister about the end of the world (I’m a great big sis) & all the zombie like behavior but I couldn’t help but really, really consider if this is actually how it’s going to end. Maybe I should stop feeding my brain with smart people stuff so my brain looks less attractive to buy me some time in the end.
    Alexandria recently posted..When bloggers are dangerous

  6. Yeah.

    See?

    RIGHT ON.

    Donuts exist for a reason. I have no guilt about biting into my freshly baked every morning.

    Let’s all be the change we want to see in the world…one donut at a time.
    Alexandra/The Empress recently posted..What The World Can Learn From The Quiet Ones

  7. I have been blissfully ignoring any mention of the zombie apocalypse however have unfortunately heard all about Miami’s face eating. I don’t know what’s wrong with people. I haven’t for a long time and do not try. I will continue to sit in my blissful oblivion and wait for the Criminal Minds/SVU episodes to explain away this phenomenon of cannibalism that appears to be (re)surfacing.

  8. I loved zombies before everyone loved talking about zombies . . . I kind-of feel like a snob because of it, like there are zombie fans that are entirely unworthy because they haven’t been through countless hours of crappy movies.

    For the apocalypse, I’m working on my upper body strength – basically, if zombies can’t climb, I will be able to. I can run long distances already, so as long as I can climb a tree to rest, I should be ok.
    John recently posted..Where I like my kids

  9. @Campinmama says:

    I hate zombies so all this zombie talk has completely creeped me out. I agree with you, let’s talk about something cooler like dragons or donuts or sparkly fairies… unicorns??? Nothing that is mindless and eats people! YEEEuuuuck!

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