I know I wasn’t around last week.
Let’s just say we were on a break. And I swear to you, I didn’t write anywhere else, or even think about it.
In truth, I was in the throes of my flu induced fever.
Here are some things that may or may not have happened this past week:
*****
There was a gnome at the foot of my bed… or a dwarf… it giggled and then ran away. It wore Curious George jammies. I thought perhaps it could have been my son… but he doesn’t get out of bed by himself… not once… not twice… not sixty-seven times. Pretty sure it was a gnome. It may have even been the star of that new Gnomeo and Juliet movie. He seemed like a Hollywood type.
I blamed the Hawaiian Tiki God at our front door for the raging fever… and took his name in vain several times. He then tried to eat my arm off in a dream.
My son got twitchy from too much TV because I had not the strength to entertain him.
Then my son got sick.
There was vomit.
I think it’s still in my hair.
I ate a popsicle.
My son got better extraordinarily fast. He licks a lot of things at the playground- his immune system is now at super hero levels.
My body wouldn’t stop shaking.
I lost my superhero cape.
I prayed.
My husband tried to put an ice cold rag on my forehead.
I punched him.
I think my husband got sick.
I did not take care of him.
I coughed like I was drowning in the middle of the night.
I might have gotten my haircut.
I canceled my shoot date for Mommy To Mommy TV.
I shed a tear for Kirstie Alley, because I do not understand what has happened to her.
I missed you guys.
I had a hot dream about Stephen Colbert.
i love hot dreams about stephen colbert.
feel better lady.
Your post is adorably funny in a very poetic way! Love your style!
The gnome was here too, but it was wearing a bathing suit.A hot pink one. That guy gets around. Glad you’ve returned to the land of 98.6. Hugs!
Oh no the crazies of fever! We had that crap over Christmas…and it’s awful! Isn’t it crazy to be so sick that you lose the will to care if there is puke on you. I hope all are feeling better…and the hallucinations stop!
Crystal recently posted..Murphy Strikes Again
Sounds like a pretty busy week. Perhaps adults need to start licking slides and every toy on the playground so we can be tough like the kiddos…
I don’t even know where to start with this except to say that it was wildly funny despite the fact you may have vomit in your hair.
Sorry about the Stephen Colbert dream. Hope you can scratch the details from your brain. Maybe some kind of lobotomy can be performed.
…but my goodness woman you are hilarious! Don’t be sick again, but when gnomes are the source of your blog fodder, bring on the fever!
Sandra recently posted..The hot arrow
Oh mama,
Feel better! Damn gnomes causing mischief and messing with our minds!Probably the same little fucker who came in and got my girls sick and then karate chopped my back leaving me incapacitated!Fucking little bastard.If I see that bastard,I’m blowing his fever inducing, vomit sharing, back karate chopping ass face ..right off his shoulders! Feel better!HUGS!!!I Miss you.Ive been inundated by fucking bad gnome mojo too!
Truthful Mommy recently posted..My neck- My back- my neck and my back!
I’m glad you’re feeling better. But maybe the gnome willhang around a bit anyway. They’re always good for a laugh.
Renee recently posted..Plumb Undone
glad you’re feeling better. we’ve dealing with it too. plus pink eye & a sick husband and we all know a sick husband is worst then labor with no epidural.
Alexandria recently posted..Provocative Thought- Trans-gender children
You’re back! And, as usual, you can write about something suckie and still manage to make me laugh. So glad you are well.
The Sweetest recently posted..When You Can Purge No More- Get a Tray
I love random fever thoughts…Kirstie Alley? Did I miss something? Or is it the typical crap that has been going on with her for years?
How does your haircut look?
Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 recently posted..The Evolution of My Boobies
Hilarious, as usual! Especially funny to me because this WAS me a few weeks ago!
Elena recently posted..Versatile Vinegar- 12 Tips For Doing Laundry A Greener- Cheaper Way!
You hallucinated NATURALLY? I know it’s not ideal circumstances, but shit, that’s funny. Hope this week goes better!!
Lady Estrogen recently posted..It Was The Music Room That Did It For Me
Mmmm, Colbert. I hear you, sister. Got your cape back on yet?
Lee @ RevsinAbs recently posted..UnBelieber
At least you didn’t have a hot dream about Spencer Pratt. That happened to me.
Maria recently posted..mariad-eden- Figuring out how to get the preview pane back in Mail after three horrifying weeks without it smalljoys
Glad to hear you weren’t cheating on us. Hope you feel better soon. Fevers suck. Puke sucks. Coughing sucks. Did Stephen Colbert suck? (um…did I just say that out loud? sorry!)
Kimberly recently posted..I’m 27…err…ish