My two year old son says penis, and I’m okay with that.
The ongoing recent debate about Helena, Montana’s Sex Education plans has, of course, caught my attention. If you haven’t heard, there is a proposed health curriculum guide for grades K-12 that has some parents very riled up. The 62 page proposal is, in short, a health, nutrition, anatomy, and disease prevention program. But it’s the very small section on sex education that has Montana in a tizzy.
Some argue the age- appropriateness of it. Others say it borders on offensive. And some think it’s realistic, and basically a good idea. Here are some of the “hot points”:
- At the kindergarten level, it is suggested that children be introduced to correct anatomical terms such as penis, breasts, nipples, vagina, and uterus.
- In first grade, the concept of people loving someone of the same gender would be introduced. Homosexuality itself would be discussed in the fifth grade.
- Fifth graders would also learn that intercourse “includes but is not limited to vaginal, oral, or anal penetration.”
- Pregnancy, diseases, and drug and alcohol abuse education would begin in middle school.
The committee admits that there is no implementation plan yet, and it would need to be discussed thoroughly as to “exactly how” the teaching will take place.
A lot of parents are okay with this. A lot of parents are definitely not.
I thought I would be the former.
I consider myself about as open minded as you can get. I personally taught my son to say the word penis- just like I taught him elbow, and knee. That’s what it’s called. It’s a fact.
I will also teach him that sometimes men love men, and women love women, because that is also a fact.
But do fifth graders really need to know the different areas of penetration? It’s a fact, but…
I.
Think.
Not.
This is the part where some very instinctual need to preserve the innocence kicks in. Where exactly is the line between being honest with our kids, and stealing their childhood?
This where Montana is confusing the shit out of me! I’ve always been FOR sex education. But do we really need to teach our kids HOW to have sex, before they’re even learning HOW to do algebra? It’s the timeline that I think needs to be seriously revamped.
ALGEBRA FIRST!
The majority of what is in this proposal strikes me as reasonable. Some of it is just too soon. Too soon. Too soon.
I remember getting the biggest thrill out of holding hands with a boy in fifth grade.
I don’t feel right about taking the thrill out of hand holding.
Mary Ann Dunwell said in the Helena Independent Record, ”This is about reality and truth so our kids don’t grow up in La-La Land, and have sufficient knowledge to make informed decisions.”
I agree. I’m all about knowledge, and making informed decisions. And growing up in “La-La Land” probably isn’t the best idea. But the question is when? Who decides when they actually grow up?
Before I actually had a child, I touted myself as one who would be forthright with my kid (knowing, of course, that my son would be a genius and it would be hard to pull one over on him). I also believed that I should have faith in my child- faith that he could handle the truth. I told myself that I would give him the credit he deserves.
But now that I actually am a parent, I don’t know when that time is supposed to come! Fifth grade seems so soon! When do I start having that kind of faith in him? When? Can’t I just protect him from the truth for now?
Because right now I’m all about Santa, and I can’t wait to be the tooth fairy.
When do we cross that line between “La-La Land” and grim reality? And how much of it should be put in the hands of the educational system?
I don’t know.
But I can tell you what I’m leaning towards…
Algebra
first.
It’s made even more complicated when you consider that some states (California included) don’t require sex ed at all. (California requires HIV education starting at grade 7… but not sex ed. Go figure.)
I think the reasoning behind the… er… penetrating nature of the Big Sky Nation’s proposal has to do with the scary trend that seems to be happening in our tweens and teens… the notion that oral and anal sex are not “really” sex and so they can experience the pleasure without losing their virginity… and without using protection. (Check out the STD cases per 100 in the states that mandate sex ed versus those that don’t… check out California here… http://www.cdc.gov/std/health-disparities/locatio… Take note of how clean Montana is by comparison…)
Is fifth grade too early to prep the munchkins with this knowledge? Maybe. Sixth grade? Seventh? And when is it too late?
I have no answers, of course. Count me in your “confused as sh*t” camp. Maybe there’s an algebraic equation that can help us!! Anyone? Anyone?
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Interesting point about tweens and teens- and not knowing what constitutes “sex”.
I think it is definitely the timeline that’s giving me the crawlies.
And muchas gracias for the link!
GAH!
My daughter is two. We taught her vagina. It’s her body part.
The rest of the Montanna thing I don’t know about because when I got to the part about teaching kids all points of penetration I closed my eyes, put my fingers in my ears (NOT a portal of penetration) and started singing LA LA LA LA! loudly…
(Did I say GAAAAAH?!?)
My recent post An Open Letter to Smokeless in Seattle
you wanna know what’s nutty? I’m going to Montana on Saturday. To Helena. My momma lives there and 5 nieces and nephews. Ages 5 to 21. I was just checking the weather for our trip and saw the article you’re referring to.
I agree with your points, totally. My nephew will be in Kindy this fall and I’m pretty sure he knows penis and vagina. But I also have a nephew who’s going to be a sophomore and – well – he’s learned things from his parents and his uncles and his siblings. It’s hard to know where to draw the line in school…”kids” are seeing and hearing things WAY differently than we did when we were “kids” – so is the school setting the right place to teach them things? I don’t know.
Anyway – I’ll try to report back on any local buzz :p
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Oh perfect! I now deem you my undercover spy…
Wow, oh wow. You bring up some really good points! I definitely agree with preserving the innocence as long as possible. There are, unfortunately, going to be children who are ready for that level of sex education in fifth grade (so, so sad) but I don't think we should expose everyone….to be honest, I'm not sure what the correct course of action is. I hadn't even been kissed at 13, now girls that age are getting pregnant. Can I make my babies live in a bubble until they are 25?
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I do not want the school system to teach my child this. I will teach him. I think they need to stick to the 3 R’s. Get that right and then we’ll talk about sex ed. I understand the reasoning that some kids do not have parents taht will care enough to teach their child these things, but parents should be able to opt out. I think the sexual positions thing for a 10 year old is WAAAYYYY over the line though.
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Yes, I do believe the parents may opt out. But kids will share with other kids, no?
Oh Lord. Oh Lord. Oh Lord. “So sweetie, what did you learn today?”, (Fifth Grader) “Oh, you know, long division, proper nouns and Sally says buttholes are for ‘exit’ only.”
ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME??!!!
Yep, that’s me blowing my top. And if you look to the horizon there is a small mushroom cloud now looming in the air. Since when do we NOT get the divine right to educate our children about sex? Ugh.
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PT. 1: I didn’t even kiss a boy until the end of sixth grade, but here is the truth, I was a LATE bloomer by my classes standards. I remember the cool kids sitting in the back of class in 5th grade playing “truth or dare” and most of it involved kissing or the showing and touching of genitals. Yes, DURING CLASS. I went to a relatively small school, only 98 kids in my graduating class and I graduated in 2007 so it’s not like this was too long ago. We had sex ed in sixth grade. And seventh. And eighth. AND AGAIN IN tenth. Still, at least three girls dropped out every year from pregnancy, not counting the girls who got pregnant and stayed in school.
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Pt 2: To get to my point, I don’t think kids are innocent for very long anymore and why not give them the tools they need to make informed decisions? It doesn’t mean they will, as my story so obviously indicates, but it worked for some of us. I mean hell, I went to the health department by myself when I was 14 and put myself on birth control. I knew I was going to have sex and I wanted to be in control of it, and because I knew what do to, where to go and how to protect myself I did. I took control and I never put myself in a situation where a boy could tell me he “didn’t have a condom,” because I did. I was a little crazy, and out of control, and wanting to be grown up before I ever should have been, but I guess what I am saying is teaching kids about sex isn’t corrupting them, or stealing their innocence, it’s empowering them and hopefully giving them what they need to keep themselves safe.
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Love the alegbra first statement. I agree.
Mary
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I am all for knowing as much as possible for children AND for preserving innocence. It is my belief that when you let children know the facts(even the facts about “areas of penetration”), then two good things happen:
#1 They will not learn about “areas of penetration” from other children (or worse, a pedophile)
#2 They will learn that these acts require consenting ADULTS, which they are not, and therefore should not engage in these acts. If a child has been sexually abused, this can help him/her get in contact with an adult who they trust.
My post on this subject about boys and sex ed: http://cooperating4boys.blogspot.com/2010/06/bird…
Oh, I kinda like where you’re coming from on this.
Makes sense to me.
Thank you.