birthday

Probiotics and fiber – because my in-laws are coming.

posted on 05/18/2012 by Jenni Chiu 6 Comments

Hot Father and Hot Mother in-law are coming into town for Bam Bam’s fourth birthday this weekend. They are the awesomest in-laws a lady could ask for, but do you remember that other time they were in town when my insides rebelled? Despite the fact that Hot Nerd did the most romantic thing on the planet on that occasion, I think I’m still scarred.

My stomach has some kind of weird muscle memory when they are around, and goes all topsy turvy. Or maybe it’s a desperate attempt to pull another romantic gesture out of my husband.

Either way, I’ve been upping my dose of probiotics and fiber, people. I’m getting my digestive tract in tip top shape for this visit. So far, all it’s done is create a gas ball the size of a house in my gut. I’m sure the stress of planning this birthday party isn’t helping, but I haven’t lost hope.

Truth be told, I’ve had too much yeast in my gut for a while now, so the in-laws are not completely guilty of causing irregular bodily functions.

I’m sure the birthday party will be fantastic – kids love birthdays, and are probably much easier to please than we think. I just hope I don’t let the gas ball out at the party amidst thirty to forty people.

If I do, I’m totally blaming it on the baby.

posted in Life tagged with Bam Bam, birthday, farts, in laws, what the what, yeast 6 Comments

37 years

posted on 12/19/2011 by Jenni Chiu 28 Comments

37 years of treading.

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37 years of seeing.

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37 years of participating.

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32 years of being hard as a rock.

5 years of stretching, shrinking, and incubating.

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34 years of being barely there.

3 years of doing what they were made to do.

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37 years of tears.

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37 years of laughs.

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I am older

and wiser than I ever thought I’d be.

Yet still surprised when sometimes…

I don’t know jack shit.

Happy Birthday to me.

***

posted in Life tagged with birthday, motherhood, What the hell am I doing? 28 Comments

Ridiculously random updates- the meat edition.

posted on 06/01/2011 by Jenni Chiu 13 Comments

It’s time for another round of ridiculously random updates. So here are some things that I may or may not have remembered to tell you about. Seriously… I don’t remember… pregnancy brain is a very real thing.

My husband, the Hot Nerd that he is, has finally graduated and gotten his Masters’ Degree in Civil Engineering. He did it while working full time, so… kudos! It also means the end of single parenting for me, so… thank jeebus! A by product of this, however, is that he is home almost every night all up in my business… and I have to cook for him and watch television shows that appeal to both of us. I am finding these things to be a challenge.

Bam Bam turned three, and I openly find myself weeping for his gone baby years. I threw a kick ass birthday party and we rented a bouncy house. I also took zero pictures. I demand a do over.

We found out the baby cooking in my belly is going to be another boy. My husband suggested we name him Meat.

I find this interesting since I have a very profound craving for meat. Weird since just two months ago I was doing research to ensure a healthy pregnancy as a vegetarian.

I love meat.

I lost my big toenail. I am not at liberty to tell you why… but it is just in time for sandal season.

One of my Tweets was made into a song by the fabulous guys over at We Sing Your Tweets. You must go and listen. I smiled. I laughed. I farted. I laughed harder.

A re-run of the episode of Criminal Minds that I did was on… but was totally upstaged by the world learning of Osama Bin Laden’s death. He’s such a jerk.

I’ll be in San Diego at BlogHer ’11 in August. If you are going too, let me know- we can meet and you can rub my belly for good luck.

The latest update on my feelings for you is that I still love you all deeply.

posted in Like you care, Not really a post tagged with birthday, Hot Nerd, meat, pregnancy, random 13 Comments

If I weren’t a heathen, I would prepare for the Rapture like this:

posted on 05/20/2011 by Jenni Chiu 8 Comments

First, let me say this to my Christian readers who believe the words of Harold Egbert Camping :

I will miss you.

I have truly loved having you as readers, and though I’m sure we’ve been on opposite sides of the fence at some point, I still wish you the best. Rapture. Ever.

Now, I am probably considered a heathen, and will be staying here on Earth for a little while longer. At least five months, right?

I do, however, believe in being prepared, and here are some things that can be done to make the transition for all of us easier. So, if you are planning on soaring up into the heavens on May 21st at 6 pm in your time zone, here are a few things to consider.

Don’t drive at that time. And if you are a pilot or train operator, perhaps it’s best not to show up for work.
Don’t eat a huge meal. Flying can make people queasy, and I imagine flying without a plane is even worse. Think of us poor people down below.
Sign your pets up for After The Rapture Pet Care. For a mere $10 your furry friend will be matched with someone left behind, who will promise to feed and care for them in the midst of Armageddon.
Move your expensive stuff onto your front lawn. Or if it’s too heavy, just leave your door unlocked. There are hundreds of after the Rapture looting parties scheduled. Consider it your last good deed.
Say goodbye and leave important documents to specific people who are unsaved. Sign up at You’ve Been Left Behind. They offer a “Rapture triggered emailing system”. You can upload and send documents to email addresses of your choosing. The system is “triggered” after three of their staff members fail to log in for three days after the Rapture. They will wait another three days just to be safe.
Cancel your magazine subscriptions. That’s just common courtesy.

As for me, I’ll be celebrating that day.

It just so happens my son’s third birthday coincides with judgment day.

I knew he was a powerful one right from the start.

So, if you’ve got no other plans, raise a glass, or a cupcake, in honor of my son already turning into a damn fine human being.

I plan on having a lovely day.

There won’t be an ascension into the clouds.

But I bet I’ll have balloons.

posted in Life tagged with Bam Bam, birthday, Judgement Day, Rapture 8 Comments