Voices Of The Year – That time I said stuff in front of lots of people.

posted on 08/30/2011 by 17 Comments

I made it to the little meeting room exactly one minute late.  I had tried my best to actually be early – but my swollen, pregnant feet would only carry me across the convention center so fast, and my squished bladder needed to be emptied once along the way.  I walked in and saw several ladies gathered around a round table.  Some were chatting, a couple were going over their printouts of what they were going to read.  I sat down next to the one person I knew from the day before.  There were quite a few nervous statements about feeling anxious.  I smiled… and nodded in agreement… and breathed….

I’m sure I forgot to introduce myself to every single person there.

I thought to myself, “Cheese – I’ll eat some cheese” as I started to make my way over to the side table to see if there was any.  I found none, and we were told it was time to go backstage.

So everyone stood…

and we walked…

to our seats backstage…

the fifteen of us…

the BlogHer ’11 Voices of the Year.

I was second to last, but I got so caught up in watching and listening to the other amazing bloggers that the waiting was less excruciating than I thought it would be.  I was fine… until right before I was to go on.

The woman before me, Bon Stewart, read an achingly beautiful piece.  But when a quarter of the way through we learn of her newborn not making it… I found myself clutching my belly.  I cried for the life she carried that was lost, and I whispered to the one growing in me.

Then panic set in.  This was poor planning!  Why send the pregnant mess of a lady out in front of hundreds of people right after she hears the heart and soul of a mother who has lost her baby?  How am I supposed to go out there as the humor blogger and make people laugh?  I couldn’t even see through the blurry hotness of my eyeballs.

I started thinking to myself, “What the hell am I doing here at all?”  ”I should be holed up in my house like I have been for the past three years.”  ”Is this one of those fucking dreams again?”

Then the curtains parted,  and I walked out and stood by the stairs to go up on stage.  I realized this wasn’t a dream, and as my introduction was ending, and I climbed the stairs… I peed a little.  I was pregnant.  I was prepared for that.

I walked up to that podium…

I took a deep breath…

and all of a sudden…

I felt home.

In a millisecond my past life came back to me.  The life of performing in front of thousands of people.  The life of applause.  The life before tragedy and trauma changed the very chemical makeup of my brain.  The life when I felt shiny.

It was just a reading.  There was no two hours of dialogue to learn.  There was no tricky choreography.  Just me… reading something I wrote… that other people thought was kinda funny…

It was the best.

 

I’m realizing that speaking in front of hundreds of people feels good to me.  It’s the small group settings and one on ones that will have me popping Xanax, but you know – baby steps.

 

PS- You can watch the whole event and other amazing speakers here:

http://www.blogher.com/announcing-blogher-11-voices-year-video

posted in Life tagged with , , , , 17 Comments

BlogHer ’11 withdrawal — very real, very serious.

posted on 08/09/2011 by 25 Comments

Since returning from San Diego, and the BlogHer ’11 convention, I’m struggling to function.

I found myself walking in circles this morning in my living room, looking for the pavilion that would have breakfast waiting for me.  I never found it.

I’m sad… because I know there were hundreds of people I didn’t get a chance to meet at the convention.  Today, at my house… I met zero.

I gave the mailman my business card. He smiled at me and gave it back.

I wanted to write a blog post last night, but I felt slushy, foggy, and blocked.  I raised my hand thinking the panel of speakers might be able to help me.  My hand went numb waiting for the mic wrangler that never came.

My three year old keeps wanting to play with my badge, but I WILL NOT TAKE IT OFF.

At the playground, I got the distinct feeling that no one was there to learn.  In fact, it seemed as if most people felt they knew it all.

I want to decorate all the little paper bags in my home.

No one has asked me where I blog, or what my Twitter username is for over 24 hours!  I’m beginning to think that people don’t care.

I don’t know how to function in this post BlogHer world.

I have the shakes. I’m getting all twitchy, and if a bunch of people don’t come over and start using phrases like, women in media, blog post, and authentic voice, I’m going to lose it.

I’m having withdrawal… and it feels serious.

I went to the grocery store…

and no one was hugging each other.

Who wants to live in a world like that?

 

posted in Life tagged with , 25 Comments

There’s no food on my face… it’s my Uncommon phone case.

posted on 08/08/2011 by 9 Comments

At the BlogHer ’11 convention this weekend, I noticed some people staring at me.  One woman stared at me while we were waiting for a session to start.  Another woman stared at me from across one of the tables at lunch.  These were women I said hello to… and made small talk with…yet I couldn’t figure out why they were looking at me so intently.  I wiped at my face, thinking pesto must be there.

I thought perhaps I was being rude — burying my nose in my phone and texting, rather than engaging.  So I put my phone down.  As I did so, the eyes of the lady across the lunch table followed my phone to the table.  I looked up at her and she said, “I was admiring your phone case.  Where did you get that?”

Ahhhhh… so it wasn’t about me.  It was about my phone case.  Sometimes I’m as egocentric as my preschooler.

Throughout the weekend, at least half a dozen more people commented on my phone case.  I can’t blame them.  It rocks.

Wanna see?

See:

It's wrapped with one of my favorite photos.

 

Yes…

It’s a picture of me… taking a picture of me… looking at me… holding my phone… that has a picture of me.

Where did I get it?  I got it from a company called Uncommon.  They design custom Apple accessories.

And because I don’t want to be alone in my egocentricity, you can get one too at a pretty discount.

You don’t have to put a picture of yourself on it. You can design your own artwork, or chose from already designed cases.  But, seriously, I would feel a lot better if you put a big fat picture of your face on it.

Just go to www.getuncommon.com, and design your case.

Put in the code MOMMYNANI2011 for a $10 discount.  The original price is only $35 to begin with.

This code is only available from 8/7 – 8/21.

Your welcome.

 

*DISCLOSURE:  This product was given to me free of charge to show off at BlogHer.  I personally asked for a discount code for my readers because I like the product and wanted to share it with you.
 
posted in Life, Sponsored tagged with , 9 Comments

We can be on a break, but we are NOT breaking up.

posted on 08/03/2011 by 9 Comments

I’m starting to learn a lot about you.

A lot of you are parents… but not all.

Most of you are college educated.

Very few of you are actually people I know in real life.

Out of every 100 of you that read, an average of 5 leave a comment.

And over 60% of you are NOT bloggers.

That means that the majority of my readers have no idea what the BlogHer ’11 conference is.

Well… in little less than 24 hours, I will be driving to San Diego to attend one of the biggest blogging conferences in the country.  I will be there for three days, and for about three more, this website will likely be taken over by posts about the conference, and pictures from said conference.

If you have absolutely no interest in blogging, the blogging world, or odd social media conferences, then I understand if you need to take a break.

But we are NOT breaking up.

We’ve got too good a thing going.

Did I also mention that I am being honored as one of the Voices Of The Year, and have to get up in front of thousands of people for the Community Keynote?

With something that important happening, it is quite possible I may fart loudly, pee my pants, fall in a toilet, insult an A-lister, or start a large fire.

I could also rock everyone’s faces off, and be crowned queen of everything sweet and salty.

Either way… it could be a good time here over the next week.

So, if you want to pretend to “take a break”, and come visit in the middle of the night anyway – I won’t tell.

But I still expect flowers when the “break” is over.

 

 

 

posted in Life, web 2.0 tagged with , , , , , 9 Comments

Very honored. Very pregnant. Very terrified.

posted on 07/15/2011 by 28 Comments

I have not been shy about sharing my anxiety and social awkwardness with all of you.  I was not always this way, but things have happened in my life that have dramatically changed the way I approach the world. My anxiety has been my shadow for the last eight years now.

I am only anxious with strangers… and crowds… and when I am alone.

But since I’ve deemed this the Year of the Scary for me, I decided to challenge myself by attending my first ever blogging conference.  In two weeks I am going to BlogHer ’11 in San Diego.

For the sixty percent of my readers who are not bloggers- this conference is HUGE.  This conference is one of the biggest, most respected in the country.

It will be crowded.

I will be there alone.

I won’t know a single soul.

I will be forced to “network”.

But wait…

Wait for it…

I was also chosen to present some of my work at the keynote.

I was chosen as one of the Voices Of The Year in the humor category.

I found out last night.

I am very honored.

I am also very pregnant.

There was crying. There was laughing. There was jumping. There was the passing of gas.

And now there is the hand wringing.

I will be standing up in front of thousands and saying “Here is something I did.  Please love me.”

Did I mention I will be seven months pregnant? There will be no calming of the nerves with alcohol… or Xanax.  Just me, sober, with sausage legs, a basketball belly, and a baby bouncing on my bladder.

It could be a recipe for disaster.

Or the opportunity to don my superhero cape and have one of the best moments of my life.

I’ll let you know.

 

PS- A very big thank you to the BlogHer Voices Of The Year Committee, for honoring me, and terrifying the shit out of me. I can’t wait.

posted in Life tagged with , , , , , 28 Comments