Just cancel everything for Wednesday and be with me on Social Media.

 

Tomorrow is Wednesday and you should just hang with me on different social media sites to talk about very important things.

First, let’s talk about laughter.  Join me live at 11:00am PST/2pm EST on MommyToMommyTV.  MommyToMommyTV is live every Wednesday, and I’ve been asked to co-host this episode called ”Funny Women and OTT Video Get the Views”.  Just go here to Kimberley Blaine’s page on Google+ on Wednesday, Septemeber 12th, 11am PST.

 

 

Then, later in the evening, let’s talk about our right to know what’s in our food…

Let’s talk about it on Twitter!

I’m sure you are thinking to yourself, “This can’t be a Twitter party.  Jenni doesn’t do Twitter parties”.

It’s true, I’ve considered Twitter parties to be mostly stream pollution.  The truth is that I have followers that are parents, some that are single and childless, some that are actors/performers, and some that are just plain awesome regular folk.  Doing a particular party always felt like I would be littering someone’s Twitter stream with a billion tweets that were of no interest to them.

So why now?

Everyone deserves to know when they are eating genetically modified foods.  Studies are now coming out that suggest GMOs can cause allergies and toxicity of the liver and kidneys.  Children are naturally more sensitive to GMOs and the rise in asthma, allergies, ADHD, and autism is alarming.  Also, herbicide tolerant GMOs have toxins in them that are associated with causing birth defects, cancer, and hormone disruption.

It took close to one million signatures to get The CA Right to Know Labeling GMOs initiative on the California ballot, and we need to push to get it passed.  I am on the “mom panel” for this Twitter party because I believe we all have the right to information we need to make healthy choices for ourselves and our families.  The truth is that GMOs are banned in some countries, and we’re just asking them to be labelled.

I hope you will join me (@MommyNaniBooboo),@bookieboo, and @CARighttoknow on Twitter tomorrow (Wednesday) night at 7pm PST/10pm PST regardless of what state you live in.  Historically, California is a trend setter and if Prop 37 passes, you will likely get labeling in your  grocery store in 2014.  Help us raise awareness online!

You can RSVP here if you’d like to win some prizes…

Or you can just join in by following the hashtag #YesOn37.

 

I’ll pollute your Twitter stream any day to keep you from polluting your body.

 

 

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The altered friendship. Also, weirdos are my muse.

Rocky swung open his front door and inhaled the warm smell of home.  He removed his blue aviator goggles from atop his head and tossed it onto the coat rack.  He loved this time – the time when the sun was kissing the horizon.  The world outside was quieting, and he poured a snifter of brandy to help him play along.

He settled into his favorite soft chair and slowly munched on a fistful of nuts.  The brandy felt warm in his belly, but a glance at the clock stopped any relaxation in its tracks.  It was 7:04 pm.  He side-eyed the telephone, almost certain it would ring at 7:05 like it had for the past two nights in a row.

Rocky thought of his friend – his best friend in all the world.  He could not comprehend the turn their friendship was taking.  He felt blind sighted.  He felt like the universe was playing a huge practical joke on him.  Only no one was laughing.  If anything, he was scared.

His eyes darted toward the clock.  It still said 7:04.

He grabbed another fistful of nuts and wiped a bead of sweat off his forehead.

He chewed aggressively.

He tapped his foot.

He shook his head saying to himself, “Not tonight.  It’s not going to ring tonight.  It’s all over.  It was all just a bad dream.”

7:05

The ring made him jump.  He spilled his brandy on his arm.  He licked it off.

RING.

He tapped his foot.

RING.

He shook his head.

RING.

Before his left hand could stop it, his right hand picked up the phone and pressed it to his still shaking head.

 

Rocky: (eyes squeezed shut) Hello?

*silence*

Rocky knew it was him.  He knew it would be just like last night, and the night before.  His eyes darted to the window… to the door… to the kitchen.  The sound of his pulse in his ears was making him dizzy, but he couldn’t bring himself to hang up.

Rocky: (in a small voice) Hello.

Bullwinkle: (lowly) What are you wearing?

The end.

*****

Every now and then I write a post to cater to misguided googlers.  This fictional post is dedicated to the weirdo  who was brought to my blog by googling the phrase “dirty moose”.

Virtually dizzy.

I was confused.

I stared at an article I was reading…

This should be shared…

The window in the corner kept telling me that people were re-tweeting me, @ mentioning me, and I had 3 DM’s.

My mind drifted…

Then the whispers started…

“It’s a good read.”

Post it on the microblog.

Stumble on your way to the bookmarklet.”

“Who cares? Get back to the +

“Your circles are waiting at the +

“Your page needs it. That’s why no one “likes” your page.”

I shake away the madness for a second, gulp some water, and take comfort in how many people I’m LinkedIn with.

I put shoes on Facebook, play with my circles, and try to categorize my virtually social life.

“ding”

It’s a text. I should look at the DM’s first… those might be more important.  What happened to those shoes? Did I Facebook them? Shit. I think I pinned it. Wait, that’s what I wanted to do.

If I stumble with the +, it’s because I’m busy posting pins in circles and lists.

Then there’s a knock on my door.  Do people still use those?

It’s the little guy…

vaguely familiar.

I think I knew him in a past life.

The little guy throws a shovel at me.

And tells me I need to digg something.

I’m dizzy.

Which is weird…

considering I have Klout in technology.

 

Summer Lovin’ – Because I didn’t want Google to disappoint.

 

She looked over at him and giggled slightly.

His face crunched as he dipped his toes in the cool lake water.

Their families had been coming here every summer since they were both ten.  Though they lived in separate towns, they had summered together for half a decade.  She had to admit- he was less awkward, and not nearly as gross as he was a couple years ago.

She looked up from her towel and saw both sets of parents lounging at the top of the hill, and talking loudly.  He was coming back to his towel now, laughing and shivering without making it even halfway into the water.

She rolled her eyes.

“Chicken shit.”

He opened his eyes big.  He had never heard her curse before, and she felt a surge of pride over the fact that she had let him know she could be a little dangerous.

That pride turned to squeals however, as he hoisted her up over his shoulder and ran with her to the water’s edge.

“Don’t even think about it!  I will make you wish you were never born…”

*SPLASH*

The water was cold.  Her toes and hands immediately went numb, but her face felt flush.

Gasping, she rubbed the iciness out of her eyes, and looked up the hill to see both mothers peering over their margaritas to make sure nobody had perished.

She waved an arm to signal she was fine, grabbed his hand, and used all her might to pull him head first into the lake.

He grabbed at her legs, but like a slippery fish she was free and climbed out of the water.

“Oh no you don’t!” he yelled as she screamed and ran along the lake edge.

She glanced over her shoulder and saw him racing right behind her…

*BAM*

Her face was a centimeter from a boulder, she was on the ground, and her knee was bleeding.  She sighed in relief over the fact that she didn’t smash her face.  She also blushed realizing she probably tripped over her own foot.  The she winced as the true pain from her knee started to set in.

Her eyes were a little blurry as she saw him running full speed toward her.

He was calling, “Are you okay?… You okay?”

Before she could assess if she was really okay or not, everything seemed to slow down.

In slow motion, she watched him stub his toe, yelp like a puppy, fall forward, catch himself, and skid on the gravel while doing a handstand on his left hand.  Twelve inches away from her, he came to a stop.

His hand looked like raw meat.

“You okay?”, he asked, breathless.

*nodding* “You?”

He nodded. “You?”

*nodding again* “You?”

He nodded.

He studied her knee.  Then, drawing her leg closer, ever so gently, he blew on it.

His breath smelled like Cheetos.

She looked at him, and felt paralyzed.

With their families just up on the hill.  Neither of them knew quite what to do.

Then… with a deep inhale… he pressed his bloody palm onto her gashed knee.

Gentle at first…

then with a little more pressure.

She felt a sting…

and then a throbbing.

She placed her hand on top of his… urging him to press a little harder.

She watched as his blood trickled down the side of her leg and mingled with hers.

She looked up into his eyes, and knew instantly…

that she loved him.

 


PS-  This fictional post is dedicated to the lone weirdo who, according to my analytics, googled the phrase “boo boo sex” and ended up on my blog.

 

 

Google really does know me.

Every now and then I’ll see tweets or status updates from bloggers who have checked their analytics and found terrifyingly weird phrases that people have searched, and that ultimately led them to their blogs.

So, I was curious and decided to check what phrases were leading people to my blog as well.

Besides the lewd, or illegal ones, here are some that I found:

  • alien smoke detectors
  • all day invisible bugs
  • lesbian massage
  • boo boo sex
  • forms the devil comes in
  • nerd vagina
  • jessica gottlieb is aweso
  • strawberry poison dart frogs

And you know what?

Google really does know me.

I know exactly why each and every one of these phrases landed someone on my blog.  I write about the best. things. ever.

Well, maybe not the “boo boo sex” one. Not really sure what that’s about…  but I plan on making that my next post so as not to let that one person down.  I hate the idea that they searched for something so important, came to my site, and was let down.

All in all…

I feel validated by Google.

Google knows me.

Google knows my blog.

Google loves me so much it’s referring me to other people.

And just like most of you…

we’ve never even met.