If my phlegm doesn’t kill me, my spotty reception will.

  When I am on the phone, the last thing I want to do is have someone on the other end hear me pee in the bathroom.  However, because I had been transferred and on hold for fifteen minutes – I had to chance it.  Apparently, self-diagnosed bronchitis makes you […]

Did my birthday happen?

  Monday was my birthday and I’m not sure if it even happened. We just moved into our new home several days ago, both of my boys got sick, ended up at the ER with ear infections, and after four nights of the baby not sleeping, I’m not sure I […]

Take it, snot rag.

  I’m going to start mainlining some immune system boosters because I don’t have time to be as sick as I am.  Hot Nerd is out of town on business for the next three days, my preschooler is making summer vacation his bitch, and our baby boy is recovering from […]

Ode To A Snot Rag.

Brain compressed.

Mouth dry from hanging wide.

Stabbing behind the left eye.

Take it, snot rag…

take it.

When you multiply-

one on my nightstand,

two on my coffee table,

five on my counter,

If your kid gets my kid sick, I’ll kick your butt.

Toddlers are snotty. They can’t blow their noses, and they like to smear their boogers all over their faces. Parents- curb your kids’ snot as much as possible. And if your little one is sick- KEEP THEM AT HOME. Or at least away from places where tons of kids gather- […]