Toddlers are snotty. They can’t blow their noses, and they like to smear their boogers all over their faces. Parents- curb your kids’ snot as much as possible. And if your little one is sick- KEEP THEM AT HOME. Or at least away from places where tons of kids gather- come on, people!

I took my one year old to story time at a local book store the other day. We had our little snack cup filled with cheerios and my son was watching the story teller in awe.

Another little boy, I’d say about two years old, comes over and sticks his hands into our cheerios.  Now, every toddler loves cheerios and normally it wouldn’t have been a big deal, as I’m sure the mother would’ve been right behind him apologizing and busting out her own snack cup of cheerios. However, on this particular occasion, the child had just sneezed and had green snot coming out of his nose. He then smeared it with the back of his hand before sticking it into our germ free snack cup.

I looked over at his mom and saw her sitting there, across the room, smiling and shaking her head as if to say, “That little cutie of mine, look at him being so nice and sharing his mucous with that poor snot-less child”.

So I took the little creature’s hand out of my sons’ snack, looked over at his mom and said, ” No thank you. No thank you. No thank you.”  I didn’t know what else to say. I wanted to be polite, but the momma tiger in me was starting to growl.

Snotty kids’ mom came over and got him, without so much as a cursory glance at me, and they settled themselves across the room.

And nope, she did not wipe his nose.

Now, today, my son has a cough and a very runny nose. I am, of course, upset because he has managed to remain healthy for the entire first year of his life. There is no way to know if he caught something from the story time incident, but I feel like being mad at someone.

So, snotty kids’ mom – I’m coming for you. I would like to find out where you live. I would like to go and get myself strep throat, and then come to your house and lick your silverware.

And let this be a gentle reminder to parents out there. If your toddler is sick, keep them at home. Don’t go toting them around God’s green earth and force them to play with other kids. Because if your kid gets my kid sick, I’ll kick your butt.

- seriously