Browsing all posts in "toddler".

The Show Must Go On.

Today’s post is a guest post at The Chronicles of Sharnia.
Sharni Montgomery is a slightly crazy (in the best ways) Aussie Mum, who invited me to be a guest blogger on her burgeoning site. I live in Los Angeles, she lives in a town with one horse- it’s like kismet.
Knowing my background as an actor, [...]

Leaving…

yearning…
the door
the front door
the knob taunts me from afar
the toddler wrestles me
earth shattering cries…
cries, cries, cries of socks
where’s the letter Z?
the letter Z will help

goodnight, goodnight, a thousand times goodnight moon
shoe on the foot
shoe in the mouth
Q in the shoe
hand in the toilet

the quest
the never ending quest
to leave on time
i pant
i gasp
i plead
i laugh
clock ticks
fingers [...]

Awkward. Shameful? Necessary.

Usually awkward, sometimes shameful, and almost always necessary.

Taking a crap on your toilet while your toddler plays drums on your knees.
Politely asking your hubby to remove his head from your lap, because you’re about to fart.
Sitting just to the left of the obvious cum stain on your friend’s couch.
Saying penis over and over again every [...]

If your kid gets my kid sick, I’ll kick your butt.

Toddlers are snotty. They can’t blow their noses, and they like to smear their boogers all over their faces. Parents- curb your kids’ snot as much as possible. And if your little one is sick- KEEP THEM AT HOME. Or at least away from places where tons of kids gather- come on, people!
I took my [...]