Apparently, Facebook is the new lipstick on the collar.
I’ve recently read that 1 in 5 divorces involve Facebook in some way.
I do not doubt this in the slightest.
People don’t use Facebook to meet new people- they use it to find those they once new. Seems to me, Facebook makes it pretty damn easy to get flirty with an old flame. You don’t have to plow through a phone book, or search the newspapers from your hometown to catch up with your first love.
Let me also say this- I am friends with several of my old, long term relationships on Facebook.
I feel lucky enough to say, that I have had the pleasure of dating decent, smart, funny, and honest, good- guys. A few years ago, when I jumped on the Facebook bandwagon, I “friended” them, or they me. After all, we’re adults, we respect each other as human beings, and honestly- they were my best friends at different stages in my life. How awesome to not have to lose that completely.
Kind of.
Because we don’t really communicate with each other. We aren’t friends. We don’t send messages back and forth. That would be weird, because I am happily married, and they have also moved on to new relationships.
So what’s the point?
We simply cyber stalk each other. We read each others’ updates without commenting, we every now and again see the new profile picture. And at first, it was nice to see that they were doing well.
But over time, it’s increasingly given me the “no poop bag” feeling. You know, when you take your dog out for a quick pee, but it poops, and you didn’t bring a poop bag, because you didn’t think there was actually going to be poop? So… you walk… quickly away. And you’re left looking over your shoulder at the steaming poop, feeling like a horrible human being- even though you didn’t set out to hurt anyone. That… that is feeling I’m starting to get when I read their status updates… like… I should just quickly walk away.
I’ll be honest and say that part of me wants all of them to be happy. But the other part wants them to always be in love with me, and never be able to find anyone that could compare. Sometimes I fight the impulse to comment on a status- you know, just to remind them of how funny, and delightful I am.
I am reminded of this crazy juxtaposition every time one of their pictures shows up in my stream.
Also, having the image of them come across my screen so often has made some of them guest stars in one or two of my dreams. That is just not cool.
So, today I say goodbye to my ex boyfriends.
I wish you all happiness with someone almost as good as me.
I’m not doing this because I feel my marriage is in danger. Let’s face it, divorce happens… not because of Facebook… but because somewhere along the line, the love gets lost. And by typing in the name of your high school, and the year you graduated- you can find someone in five seconds, who thought you were witty, beautiful, and loved you a long time ago.
Some people find that easier than going to marriage counseling.
Goodbye exes.
Because although I’m happy with my choices- When I’m buried under bills, my husband’s too busy for me, and I’m feeling unattractive…
I don’t want you to be there.
***
AMen sister! I had to say goodbye to my exes a long time ago on FB, it was getting too flirty. And dont let them catch u online late @ night, they are certain to bring up something totally inappropriate like that one time u liked the back of ur knee and …well, u get the picture.It was fun for awhile to at least know that they had Poor Man's Debi's:)LOL Oh well, we can't all be awesome, like u and I! I think u made a wise choice,plus who wants one of them to get crazy and get the idea to contact hot nerd and try to ruin what you have:)You go girl..unfriend those exes!
My recent post Wordless Wednesday- This is Love
Ha! They know Hot Nerd is so completely untouchable…
I have been friended by exes. One I've remained friends with over the years and it's totally cool. Another one? Not so much. Maybe I SHOULD unfriend his ass!
All of my exes are super cool… just can't fight the icky feeling. And would rather not have the option of turning to one of them when I need a "friend to talk to".
I have a friend that is an attorney and she says facebook is the best thing that ever happened for lawyers!
Pages and pages of "evidence", baby!
Love this post. I want to be careful what I write…censor what I say…You never know who will find your comments. I'm not good at self-censoring. Let’s see. Crap. I’m having trouble.
“But the other part wants them to always be in love with me, and never be able to find anyone that could compare.” No you don’t. I promise. It feels weird and awkward, especially when you’re both married and have families and (you) are happy, not interested.
There. I think I said what I wanted to without saying too much. Or did what I said even make sense — outside of my head? (I think I just rhymed.)
Anyway, I think I might finally need to do (one) un-friending, although with my blog and the fact that share too much of my life…it probably wouldn’t change much.
Sigh. Did I mention this was a good post? Because it is. And in some cases, if feelings were mutual, I can see, with absolute clarity, how that statistic plays out.
My recent post 30-30- If I do anything right
I have a few friends that are exes. It usually goes “Hi, how have you been?” and then a couple more days of meaningless chat – Then they go on just being another one of the hundreds that I never speak to. I suppose its better that way, the last thing I need in my life is more drama!
My recent post Walking in a Winter Wonderland
Bravo!! I am friends with two ex's, but we had friendships well after the relationships ended. I actually do converse with them on facebook and everything is cool. There are three other ex's, however, that I not only have NOT "friended", but have also blocked so they cannot see me or my page.
I love the reference to the poopy bag though–so funny!
My recent post Iron Foodie 2010 Challenge Dish- Pfeffernusse Creme Brulee
“I wish you all happiness with someone almost as good as me.” Haha- love it!
My recent post Gobble Gobble
Holy crap…what an on-target, of-the-moment,right-in-the-mix-of-things post!! I bow to you…you always seem to have a post pertaining to….well, life! Bravo!! I agree totally. I am actually new to FB…but i was reluctant because there are some people out there that maybe I shouldn’t be “friends” with anymore…either in real life or cyber life. The only man I need is the hubby…and if it would piss me off that he is talking to old girlfriends (and let me tell you, it really truly does) then I can’t be a hypocrite and talk to my exes. Divorce is too easy even w/o putting past exes in the mix!
My recent post I Wanna Be Your Sledgehammer
a few months ago I axed like a third of my “friends” – those who never comment, but I know lurk. Those who I would barely recognize if I passed them on the street. I also started deleting those mafia wars players. Just couldn’t take it anymore
hi by the way. been missin ya. and basically all of blog-land.
Brilliant, everyone should read this and take notes.
Jessica Gottlieb recently posted..Tampon Problems
Thanks, Jessica.
I’m often astounded that EVERYONE doesn’t already read my blog…
Yet.
Jessica Gottlieb recently posted..Tampon Problems
Indeed, great post.
Al_Pal recently posted..Sensitivity- I have it
how did I ever miss this post? I read up on past posts when I get a free moment and figured, on the day of your lovely arrival to the planet and eventually into my life, was a great time.
You’ve met me. You KNOW my shit. Yea, I need to un-friend some of these foolios cause, when feeling like I have no friends, which I often do no matter what the number says on facebook, this could easily become BIG trouble.
Love you, I do.
Misseyme recently posted..Ribfest in a recession…
I must be in the minority. I’m friends with several of my exes on FB and communicate with most of them at least semi-regularly on a strictly platonic basis. Nothing has ever gotten the least bit flirty. In fact, I realized recently that I don’t even think of them as “exes” anymore. It’s hard to remember a time in my life when I loved them or ached for them. I mean, the memories are there but they’re somehow disconnected from the personas I now know through Facebook. Now I just think of them as friends. They have their families and I have mine and we’re all happy. And I wouldn’t want it any other way. Is that weird?
Great post, though, even if I can’t relate. And I wish I’d had this line back when I was still single: “I wish you all happiness with someone almost as good as me.” LOL.
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